Grappling through Life

Interviewer: Elisa A. Escalante/ LCSW/ BJJ Purple belt

Interviewee: Joshua Murdock/ BJJ Black belt/ Pedigo Submission Fighting–Daisy Fresh Team-Mt Vernon, IL/ Bronze Medalist ADCC Open & Master Worlds IBJJF

The Brazilian jiu jitsu circle is small. Chances are if I do not know a BJJ athlete, I at least know someone who knows them. If you have trained, competed and/ or traveled for BJJ camps or competitions, the connections expand. I met Joshua’s brother CJ Murdock on a grapplers escape cruise back in 2017. From there, instagram connections. I followed his brother Joshua Murdock, and noticed overall how insanely dedicated these guys are when it comes to training and competing. Something that I used to secretly dream of doing, but I was too scared to give competitive martial arts my 100%. It’s a hard life, and not always a financially profitable one. But for the people that make it to the top, there are no regrets. For the people that try, but allow those dreams to slip away, there will likely be grief. Joshua grew up in NY, NJ, N.C. and is currently training/ competing out of Mount Vernon, IL. He shared that he is fully devoted to competitive Brazilian jiu jitsu and does not work a conventional job, as that would get in the way of his goals of becoming the best practitioner that he can be.

Elisa Q: So they nicknamed you and your brother the ‘Murderous Murdocks’… why is that??

Joshua A: This was back during the “U.S. Grappling” days. People that knew me and my brother noticed that we have no quit inside of us. We smash people on our good days. If other people are having a better day, we are still going to exhaust them. Two tough hombres. We also tend to train very hard, which helped us fit in at the Daisy Fresh laundromat. The laundromat is for grapplers that want to better their lives, focus solely on grappling and staying out of trouble. I’ve also been afforded the opportunity to stay at other PSF affiliates around the world, such as the Limerick Slideby over here in Ireland. This allows me the ability to travel, train and compete more often.

Elisa Q: You decided to start training because a UFC1 Tapout video game inspired you? Now did I read that correctly in one of your pre Superfight interviews?

Joshua A: Yes, I did not know MMA was even a thing until I received that video game. My parents grabbed it out of a value bin at a store, thinking it was a pro wrestling game. They took pro wrestling away from me and my brother CJ because when we were younger… we were quite rambunctious. We may have accidentally broke some fine china in the house. The video game was a great way to get some martial arts back in the home. We already had a long history of training and fighting other styles of martial arts… some not so conventional. For example, we started with karate when we were young kids, and graduated into back yard wrestling in Jersey by our teens.

Elisa Q: You don’t live to work and pay a bunch of bills, you live to do the sport you love. What are the pros/ cons of being a competitive athlete where you put your full time focus into training and getting ready for BJJ tournaments?

Joshua A: If I had too many bills, I would not be afforded the time to do what I love. Door dashing, reffing and baking cookies are my primary gigs when I do need some income. Something I guess I consider to be a pro and a con is that I have a beach bum style life. Except I am not waiting for the surf, I’m waiting for the next grappling classes. There is a lot of free time on my hands, which puts me at risk. Filling my free time with positive activities is important; weightlifting, TV shows, laundry, cooking, and fitness interviews. I have been encouraged to get into other hobbies outside of my sport, but if it doesn’t revolve around helping me in BJJ, I’m not interested. A con is that living this lifestyle can make competition more stressful, because sometimes I do feel like my whole life depends on it. But I have learned that my friends are my friends regardless, the winning and losing isn’t everything. Character is more important than the wins or losses.

Elisa Q: I joke that I am going to quit Brazilian jiu jitsu all of the time. I never quit, but I have become a hobbyist. The lazy girl in me wants to quit because my career can be so mentally consuming/ draining. But the disciplined part of me keeps going at least once a week; I’m hanging by a thread. Have you ever been tempted to quit?

Joshua A: I have been tempted to quit multiple times in my life. But I do believe that these thoughts are quite normal. If it doesn’t make you want to quit, you aren’t working hard enough with the task at hand. It’s very human to have that temptation when you are putting so much into it. It means you are doing something right. I don’t have a ton of gold medals, maybe just a handful that I’m proud of. It can be very depressing to see it through this lens vs the ‘what and why’ I am doing this. The closer I get to forty years old the more I wonder if I am missing out on other things in life. But my brother and wife have shown me that you can have both, the sport and the life outside of it; family and other amazing experiences.

Elisa Q: You said that you have ‘been married to BJJ for twenty years’, what’s it like being married to a sport? Oddly enough BJJ is my longest relationship so far too, at 11 years now.

Joshua A: One of my life goals is to be able to bring my family to the thanksgiving table. But living in gyms and being devoted and married to the sport means I’m not quite there yet. But it does not mean I will live in gyms and travel around forever. But the positive of being married to the sport, is that I do feel I have some stability. At the end of the day BJJ will be there for me in some capacity. Even after breaking my back in a car accident 11 years ago, BJJ took care of me. It kept me motivated and wanting to rehabilitate. It has helped me meet the most important people in my life. It keeps me from… messing up. I believe without BJJ I might be a ‘bad example’ to other people. It keeps me focused on the impact that I have on others. And to the relationships toward the other people around me that are training in the same sport. I stay loyal to ‘my wife’ that I chose, and the kids/ teens that look up to me as a mentor. It keeps me grounded and in the right direction.

Elisa Q: You said that one of your aspirations for competitive grappling is to ‘inspire people’. I think that’s beautiful, but I also want to know what competing does for you? Mentally and physically? Maybe even spiritually?

Joshua A: I would say that competing is like a means to an end for everything that I do. Without competing, I don’t think that training as much as I do would make sense. Some of the classes I do would just be considered self harm if I didn’t have a competition in front of me. It’s my chance to challenge someone to ‘kill me’, ‘send me to valhalla’, let’s see what’s up. In the training room it doesn’t matter how tough you are, it’s still just practice. It’s not the same. The last few months, it has also given me the ability to see more places around the world. Isle of Man, Ireland, my Super fight in Chesham, England is coming up, NY, Chicago. Every place I’ve put my finger on a map and said “I want to go there”, I have found a way. I’ve hit almost every corner of the U.S. at this point.

Elisa Q: One of your primary sources of income these days is to ref for BJJ tournaments. Does reffing help your own style/ game? By being able to see a match so close but from an outside perspective?

Joshua A: I think even if you don’t pay attention while you ref, you still learn about trends that help people win. The gamer strategy, following the rules, doing what’s in the confines within the competition rules. It’s very interesting to learn when reffing. It get’s me used to being at a tournament all day. The noise, the commotion, the energy. It’s stress people don’t always take into account. But we have to be prepared for anything when we compete. For example when I competed at the ADCC Open, I didn’t have a match until 1 AM due to mat delivery delays. I waited all day for it and I let that be my motivation. It just meant that I could not lose that match. And, I would have waited even longer than that if I needed to. There was one opponent we had that dropped out completely because he could not tolerate waiting that long.

Elisa Q: I’ve always been told it gets easier to compete over time, and yet, the longer I competed the scarier it got. I’m pretty sure it had something to do with my own untreated performance anxiety centered around sports since I was young. Do you get performance anxiety still?

Joshua A: I totally do. I think that over the weekend and over the past five days I’ve tried to deal with this more over my upcoming UK fight, representing Ireland over the English. This guy trains with some of the best guys in England and he’s a really good leg locker. It’s his country, his ruleset. But people will love me if I win or lose, so it doesn’t matter what happens. Telling myself this helps me feel happier going into it. I also get to teach a seminar the day before. And the day after, I’ll be watching my friends compete in the CGI in Las Vegas as I enjoy a big ole trifle.

Elisa Q: Tell me about going overseas to train? What’s been your favorite experience so far and how does it differ from being stateside?

Joshua A: I’d say it’s almost like going back in a time capsule. Ireland is a little behind on the BJJ scene. Everyone is saying that ‘everything is a reap’. It appears that education on leg locks is necessary over here. I’m reliving some of the stuff I saw/ experienced in my twenties. Quick promotions vs earned promotions. However, I did get to meet and train with some of the toughest people I have ever met. Now, my favorite experience overseas has been this current one so far. For example, back in June, we had a family funeral that culminated into a major event. My great great grandma is from Skibbereen in West Cork county, Ireland. So not only did I teach a seminar, compete and ref over here, I was able to honor my grandparents dying wish; spread their ashes in their place of origin. Some of my extended family was able to join as well, and they watched me compete! I had a support system of people cheering me on. It really has been a very special experience.

Conclusion: What else to share?

There were things around me that I was letting kill me. I do have PTSD from childhood/ teen hood. Regardless of what happens in your life, if you have people that can show you what love is , you can learn to love yourself. NO reason to call it quits. There is always something around the bend to look forward to, even if you cannot see it yet. It could be a surprise or a mystery. I could have never in my life imagined these last 3 months abroad. The universe leads you to the right place even if it drags you through the dirt to get there.