Dancing into their Fantasies

08-09-2026

Interviewer: Elisa A. Escalante/ LCSW / Writer/ BJJ practitioner

Interviewee: Jose Rosado / Stage name: Salsa Picante / Exotic Dancer/ Martial artist

I met Jose Rosado back when I lived/ worked in NYC and trained at several different martial arts gyms. The amazing thing about martial arts is that it brings together many different people with diverse training goals. I trained for self defense and competition. Jose trained for competition and to look good for…. exotic dancing. Back then, I had no clue about his profession. Most people at the gym do not even ask people about their personal lives, we just focus on beating each other up or self defense. Since Jose is a former martial arts buddy, I asked if he would be willing to discuss the mental health side of his profession. I see exotic dancing as a way to create peoples ultimate fantasies. People pay big money for a night of exotic dances. The costumes, the energy. The lust, the touching, the fantasy. There is a lot more to it than people think

Elisa Q- While watching your podcast interview, you describe your non stage personality (Jose) as calm, regular, funny, classy, and then you describe your alter dancer personality (Salsa Picante) as hyper, freaky, energetic, with an exhibitionistic nature. How do you compartmentalize these two alters?

Jose A- It didn’t happen overnight. When I was younger, I had a lot less control over which part of me was going to come out. It takes a lot of mental exercise, and overtime you adapt. Work is work, and there’s my separate personal life. I can be spontaneous and I can have my calm moments. Overtime I have become more mentally strong/ composed, I put things in there separate fields. And technically, I have 3 alters. I have calm Jose…. , crazy salsa picante, and then when I fight, I’m known as “The Pit”. 2/3rds of me I wouldn’t classify as ‘normal’. Normal means waking up with a 9-5 job, with a hobby and some TV time after. But my crazy side loves danger, adrenaline, the anticipation of getting in trouble. I love when ppl say I cannot do something. If they challenge me with I can’t, I want to do it even more. But regardless of what I am doing, I see it as art.

Elisa Q- Would you say that anyone has wanted to date you for the ‘wrong reasons’? AS in they wanted to date Salsa Picante versus Jose? And their expectations were unhealthy? Or has anyone that dated you tried to get you to leave the profession?

Jose A- Both have happened to me. They either want the energy or they want to dim my energy and get me away from the profession. Obviously I never stopped dancing, so the relationship never gets that far if they want to change my lifestyle. When they fall in love, they want me to stop dancing. They also want me to slow down. But I’m not going to stop, if you can’t keep up, that’s it. I’ve had some stalkers before as well, I’ve had to block some women when it get’s too intense and the attachment goes too far.

Elisa Q- When you are examining women in your line of work, what are the non verbal cues you pick up on? Does their body language and facial expressions tell you how to treat them? Dance with them? Touch them and talk to them?

Jose A- Absolutely. They tell me what they need to know with their expressions and mannerisms. The more shy they are, the more I see them as a challenge. But when it’s my show, it’s my domain and rules. What I say goes. I love taking charge and helping them get out of their shell. And so far, no one has ever complained. I can also respect their boundaries and walk away from them. Slowly but surely, they come around and they want what was originally offered. That’s how I know I’m reading them right.

Elisa Q- Do people have unreasonable expectations toward you when you are doing your job? Any examples?

Jose A- Now, yes, because I break the rules a lot. I do what the crowds want, I’m a crowd pleaser overall. If my integrity is going to be diminished, I won’t do it. I couldn’t dance for an all men show, maybe coed. Some people have wanted to take me out after a gig, I’ve had women that waited for me after the show because they want an ‘after party’ so to speak. Sometimes they want my number. But I have strict rules with clients now; no kissing and no sex. So I will respectfully turn that down, to keep work as work. Besides, If I were to give it all away, they wouldn’t want more.

Elisa Q- When you are entertaining women specifically for the bachelorette parties, can you usually tell whether or not their marriage is going to be a happily ever after? I imagine you may have also seen quite a bit of infidelity take place in your line of work?

Jose A- I have seen infidelity in my career. I feel bad. It’s my fault and not my fault. If it wasn’t me they would have hired someone else and done the same thing. But I do know that some couples have not gone through with the wedding due to seeing videos of the bachelorette parties. And, roughly 90% of my clients have wanted to do something sexual with me after my performance.

Elisa Q- Have you ever dated or at least been close friends with a woman that dances exotically? Any differences or similarities in the experiences between entertaining men versus women in this line of work?

Jose A- Absolutely, we even have debates in the locker room. About how we dance, and about the clients. Overall females do get more attention in this profession, but, when it’s ladies night it get’s wild for us men. It get’s crazy. I don’t compete with the women dancers though, because I love women. I like to give them pointers, and I will tell them what guys like. Sometimes they get nervous when I help coach them. They’re intimidated by performing for another professional But overall, I would say that women have the edge. They have more to flaunt, and men, overall have less standards.

Elisa Q- When you initially started dancing, were you nervous? How did you get through those mental roadblocks? Do you or did you have social or performance anxiety at any time? Also, you did MMA …. which is scarier? Dancing naked or fighting someone in front of a large audience??

Jose A- I was nervous at first. I got through the nerves from my first show with liquor. 3 shots of tequila. Easy. As far as which one is… scarier? I get a bit more nervous with fighting. Because I’m the type of guy that wants to deliver. I feel like I have to win. I’m very competitive, and the pressure in fighting is more heavy. There’s also the risk of getting hurt. I wouldn’t say I’m ‘scared’ either way. I do feel like I”m fearless, but fighting is more…. nerve racking.

Elisa Q– How do you deal with people that judge you based off of your profession? Whether it’s family, friends, acquaintances or talking stages? And, What are some common misconceptions about your line of work?

Jose A- Everybody is judging me. Family, friends, girls I’m talking to. They ask me what I’m doing all the time. They bring up the fact that I have a daughter. They want me to go to college etc. But some of my good friends are excited about my life and it’s ‘crazy’ to them. Three categories, people that support me, people that judge me, and people that are jealous. With my line of work people think I’m a ho. And since I also fight, they think I’m violent. I’ve been accused of being a drug dealer too. People will say anything.

Elisa Q- If a young adult looks to you for guidance because they are interested in becoming a dancer, what advice would you give them? Any precautions? Would you encourage or discourage it?

Jose A- It’s definitely not for everybody. It’s definitely not for shy people, and you have to really want to do it. It’s not for people that want the 9-5 stable life. It’s not for people that do not like pressure. You have to work harder than most people think. You have to practice dancing, you have to stay in shape. You have to groom yourself and look good. You have to think about the crowd and entertain people for long periods of time. There’s also a larger risk of being embarrassed and getting boo’d. It’s definitely not easy. I’ve had to kindly tell people that they were not cut out for it. Some of them were too timid/ nervous when they danced and so they couldn’t entertain properly. You either got what it takes, or you don’t. My life aligned with it perfectly.

Future Faking

Elisa A. Escalante/ LCSW/ 08-05-2026

“ You left me with a memory. But how can I live with that? I don’t need another reminder, that there was once a home, that almost felt like home.” -EaE

Maybe I should start by sharing a list of things that I was promised, but did not receive. Help with chores, bill splitting, saving for a home together, marriage (back when I wanted it), meet ups, dates, mind blowing sex, getting my money back after I lent it out, consideration, honest communication, reciprocal energy etc. I’m not saying that I never received these things ever. I’m saying that plenty of people promised these things, and could not deliver. Then I wonder why. Is it manipulation? Is it people with good intentions but they over estimate their love toward me and their abilities? Either way, it’s harmful. A promise can create hope, a hope can get destroyed, the destruction may cause thought spirals and emotional dysregulation. It seems so small, but overtime, future faking can cause more trauma and trust issues. I found myself asking my friends: Is it possible to die from dissapointment? It sounds dramatic, but I experienced somatic symptoms. I felt as if I was sinking deeper and deeper into a black hole due to the dissappointment of people constantly future faking me for their own selfish gains. It has led me to a point in my life where I cannot believe anyone, at all. And that is unfair to the people in my life that have good intent and mean well.

Why do People Future fake?

Temporary relief: The less malicious reasons to future fake include deflection and instant gratification. For example, if someone tells their partner they will do the chore, but they do not do it. They just wanted their partner to believe they will do the chore so they will stop nagging them. A parent tells their child that they will take them to do a fun activity so the child is happy again, but then there is no follow through. The first example was deflection in the sense that it get’s someone out of the ‘hot seat’ so to speak. The second example was instant gratification because it put the child in a better mood. Unfortunately this type of future faking does not involve any consequential thinking. Eventually that person that received a promise will eventually feel let down if they do not receive it. And if someone makes a promise that they do not keep, technically, they lied. Some people believe they are doing the right thing by giving people pretty words that can cheer them up, but the outcome of them being let down in the long run will do more damage. This act will cause people to destroy their foundation of trust that they have built with another human.

Influencing behaviors: The malicious reason people future fake; it is about manipulation and ulterior motives. A narcissist/ pathological liar pretending they have a good job, money and they love someone in order to convince them to move into their home and then using them for their home and money. (Yes this happened to me) Someone pretending to care about someone else only to access their body, and then discarding them after. (been there as well) Promising/ Pretending to be monogamous with someone so that they will give you monogamy back, but then cheating on them. (yesX3) These behaviors are quite evil. These types of people can only be described as… people without values/ morals or ethics. People that operate from defense mechanisms and distorted thoughts. Every perpetrator of manipulation I have experienced had a ‘point of view’, but it was flawed and built off of their trauma; in the worse way possible. And maybe it’s not trauma at all. Some people are sociopathic and enjoy hurting others for a dopamine fix. Maybe they enjoy the reactions they get, maybe it feeds their ego. Maybe it makes them feel powerful to control/ manipulate other people’s choices through the act of deciept.

Promises made during a stage of life: Now, let’s go ahead and go back to giving some people the benefit of the doubt. Some people truly make promises that they believe in; at the time they make them. A common example would be Wedding Vows. Most couples that are getting married are in love, and the love is so deep and intense that they truly believe they can contain/ maintain that love forever. Obviously a large chunk of people cannot live up to the wedding vows. Were they lying? Probably not. Did they over estimate what love can do for them and their relationship? Did they over estimate their ability and capacty to love? YES. After promises are made, some people feel obligated to keep up with the promises, sometimes long after the feelings fade. This can cause a lot of conflict. What they promised/ set out to do is no longer in line with how they truly feel. This is where people are at a high risk of living double lives and lying and/ or cheating on their partners. What started as good intent, ends up turning into future faking someone into a ‘happily ever after’ fairtytale, that’s actually more equivalent to a nightmare.

O’ahu memories

Elisa A. Escalante 7-28-2026

Friday night we stumbled upon the Hilton Hawaiian 🌺 village and the firework show they start at 8 pm weekly. This area is in plenty of movies and shows. It’s a great idea to watch a perfect sunset.
Lanikai Beach 🏖️ was the best for crystal blue water and very calm waves. 🌊 I could turn into a beach bum if I lived here! You must hunt for residential parking or park further away to walk. It was WORTH it.
The drive back to Waikīkī from Lanikai was breathtaking. Lush greenery with a tropical feel. I’m not surprised there’s traffic!
The international Marketplace in Waikīkī on our way to our first LUAU. This was a Great outlet mall for shopping 🛍️!
We went to Wai’anae for a dolphin 🐬 boat tour. Not only do you get to see a beautiful pod of dolphins swimming around, you eventually get to go off the boat for snorkeling. 🤿
We decided to also visit the Mermaids 🧜‍♀️ Cave! Though it was high tide so we didn’t dare enter. It is known to be quite dangerous, thought beautiful to look at. ⚠️ The waves in this area were more strong!
Paradise cove was a safer bet to swim again! And yet another beautiful area for a perfect sunset. 
We had a very short hike to see the Kapena waterfalls. Swim at your own risk. If you’re immune compromised you may want to just dip your toes in, as it is known to cause bacterial infections.
We finished off the vacation at the Moani Lani Spa for some final R&R. They offer amazing spa treatments with a steam room, sauna, and hot tub. The views of the Waikīkī beach are also stunning.

Mental illness and Dating

Elisa A. Escalante/ LCSW/ 07-13-2026

Over the years I have noticed that there are certain mental health conditions that are compatible when it comes to dating or living together, while other’s are like ‘oil and vinegar’; they just don’t mix. Some even create a dangerous chemical reaction and cause toxic cycles/ explosions to occur. In this blog I am going to discuss common dynamics and themes amongst people that have mental health conditions and enter serious relationships. We will explore both healthy and unhealthy dynamics. This is obviously not a concrete black and white subject, I am discussing themes. There will always be ‘exceptions’ to the rules.

Unhealthy example: Depression & Anxiety Couple- When one person has anxiety and the other person has depression, the anxious person tends to exhaust the person with depression, and the depressed person tends to infuriorate the person with anxiety. The anxious brain needs reassurance, answers, stimulus, sometimes a bit of chaos. The anxious brain obsesses. The depressed brain is way too tired and numb for any of that. The depressed person can’t summon up the energy to keep up with their anxious partner. The anxious person get’s frustrated that their depressed partner ‘does not care enough’. The depressed person is worn down from the energy their anxious partner expects them to be able to ‘keep up with’. Both misunderstand and misinterpret each other’s symptoms. They may frequently feel as if they are triggering and/ or failing each other. They may end up leaving each other more wounded.

Healthy Example: ADHD & Depression Couple- The partner with ADHD will excite the person with depression, giving them much needed happy chemicals. But also, the partner with ADHD will get torn in other directions and projects around them. During this time when they pull away, the depressed person will have the much needed space in order to rest and recover their social battery. The partner with ADHD may get guilt tripped by other types of people, but their depressed partner will likely not be as hard on them, they’re too tired/ numb to make a fuss of the noticeable distractability symptoms. The ADHD partner will be free to dive into their projects and allow the rest of the world to melt away. And they will in turn not be pestering their partner with depression to ‘keep up’ as their projects are for themselves. This type of couple will likely know when to come together for fun/connection, and when to give each other space.

Unhealthy example: OCD & ADHD Couple- A partner with OCD may need to feel in control in order to avoid a sense of helplessness and chaos. They need order. They prevent the bad things from happening. They have perfectionistic qualities. Their partner with ADHD will likely scatter them. If they try to obsess and take control over someone with ADHD, they will suffer more. Since people with ADHD do not aim to control their environment, they are run by the external stimulus of their environment, these couples will rarely see eye to eye. They will likely have completely different priorities and a completely different sense of what they view as important/ valuable. The partner with ADHD is likely to anger the partner with OCD as they could accidentally disorganize the order in the home with their neurodivergent ways. In turn, the partner with OCD may lash out and harm their ADHD partner with guilt trips and shame.

Healthy Example: CPTSD where both people ‘fawn’- There’s many different types of childhood wounds that could lead to CPTSD. And every person will develop their own unique survival strategies. But what happens to fawners? People that learn to people please in order to survive their abusers? IF they meet someone that is selfish, malicious and/ or abusive, they are very vulnerable. But, if they are lucky enough to meet another people pleaser, they could potentially thrive. Fawners are often hyper independent. They learn to self soothe on their own. But, sometimes they might also neglect their own needs. But, their people pleasing partner will not allow them to do that. Both partners are going to be in tune with each other’s needs, reminding them of their own personal self care that they are neglecting because they fuss over each other. They are the true ‘mind readers’ of couples. Because they understand what it’s like to not be able to state needs out loud. They understand that their screams for help have to be silent.

When the Brain dies before the Body

Elisa A. Escalante/ LCSW/ 06-06-2026

“Maybe it’s not about the problems that can be solved. Maybe it’s about the conflicts in the mind that never go away.” -EaE

“Is suicide selfish?” They keep asking. “Suicide is when the brain dies before the body”, that’s my answer. It’s organ failure. After various compounding events, their brain decided that they needed to go. Suicide is not impossible to prevent, but it is hard to predict. And in the aftermath, everyone wants the answer to something that is so unexplainable. As if suicide is as simple as a ’cause and effect’, and there is one sure thing that we can blame. And if we can’t find something to blame, what then? We blame them for doing it and causing a wave of grief and reactivity.

I’ve worked in the mental health field for 17 years. As a mental health tech for the Air Force, as an intern at a family resource center, as a mental health therapist for the Veteran Hospital administration, as a research assistant a study on military suicides, and as a behavioral health consultant for the DOW. Talking to patients about suicide is a normal Tuesday for me. Though I have the field experience, and I have the professional education , I believe what truly makes me effective is that I’m not afraid to have the hard conversations.

I will sit with people for hours and listen to them talk about why they no longer want to live. Why the idea of not existing sounds like a relief, and why the idea of many more years of life sounds like a burden. And though the majority of people do not want to truly kill themselves, many people have fantasized about not existing anymore. The idea of death is a possible escape. Away From the burden of life, chronic pain, trauma, financial hardship, grief, mental health symptoms and complicated relationships. And why do suicidal people often not feel validated or heard? Because everyone around them is so terrified of the topic, they want to wish, will or push the conversations way. Or they want to toxic positivity them to death. And all this will create is more disconnect. I remember the last time I tried to talk to someone without depression…. about depression. Someone that did not have a suicidal thought in their life trying to hear me talk about my history of suicidal ideation. No matter how hard I tried, it was like speaking a different language. My friend doesn’t know this, but I ended up crying after the conversation because of the disconnect.

Mood disorders such as depression or bipolar disorder tend to have high rates of ideation. With bipolar patients, it’s often the inability to regulate their emotions and/ or predict their flair ups of depression and/ or mania all together. It can lead to a deep sense of helplessness and shame. With patients that have major depression, it’s the inability to care or feel joy in anything. The inability to convince the mind that life is worth living when there’s so much suffering and emptiness, and so little happiness. People with debilitating mental health symptoms accompanied by suicidal thoughts are being told to get sunlight, eat healthy, walk, hang out with loved ones, workout and think positive. What needs to be communicated is the fact that our brain is trying to convince us to die, while another part of our brain is trying to convince us to stay. And that is a conflict that no coping skill can remove overnight.

During my research with the Henry M. Jackson foundation for the advancement of military medicine, we can also see that suicide has various compounding factors leading up to the act. Mental illness, substance abuse, relationship turmoil, job dissatisfaction, legal issues, financial stressors, Childhood ACES. Compounding for years to decades. Some received mental health help first, some did not. Some left suicide letters or videos, some left nothing. Even teens have higher suicide rates! Some of the reasons include complex brain development, social isolation, bullying, increased mental health pressures, a horrible economy that makes the idea of growing up more terrifying.

Sometimes I call mental health work ‘The Art of Suffering Less”. And there are only two things I hope my patients do: Learn, and suffer less. I won’t expect perfection and I won’t be the added burden to an already hard life. I carry that philosophy even outside of the therapy room. I remember how the military used to break people down to the point of them having increased suicidal thoughts. I always wanted the military and the civilian sector to strive to be something descent and helpful, in a world full of suffering. What is in our control is how we can help people, or do no harm. Being generous, helpful, kind, or at a minimum, not being an asshole… maybe? Because why in the world would you want to be the Cherry on top of a shit Sundae in someone else’s life?

Most readers are not in a professional position, which means the textbook thing I need to tell you, is to bring your friend/ family or other loved one to the ER or mental health clinic if they inform you they are having suicidal thoughts. Don’t believe that you have to play therapist, it won’t go over well. But, you can listen without judgement and without pushing it away or trying to change their mind in a flurry with the toxic positivity quotes that have never helped anyone. In fact, sitting in silence would be better than that. Genuine presence is more effective than poor words. Being willing to play that small, yet significant role in the push to get them toward professional help, is so important. And if it’s you, the reader, you need the help too. You also deserve to suffer less. Do everything possible.

The Cave

Elisa A. Escalante / LCSW/ 6-11-2026

When PTSD is hard, it is inexplicably hard. But depression just might be the death of me. When these disorders combine, I go into a cave of isolation. It’s lonely in there, but it protects me and others. I’m protected from more triggers, and people are protected from me.

With a depression cave, I’m not allowing myself to be bothered by people that ask questions that aggravate my spirit. “What’s for breakfast? What’s for lunch? What’s for dinner?” Food. Who cares? The answer is not exciting and I am wasting energy by answering. “ When’s yoga? When’s BJJ?” meanwhile I’m in a crippling state of depression, I already decided I might skip my workout, and now I feel guilty because someone reminds me that I’m a failure, simply by asking a question. “Are you coming??” Someone may ask this about that social event I said “maybe” to, but now I cannot imagine going. It would be exhausting to pretend I’m happy, I would ruin the experience for everyone because I can’t smile. “How’s your diet?” I binged on fast food to regulate my emotions so that I don’t cry at work tomorrow. And now I’ll gain weight and it will be even harder to move my body. Wonderful.

People may say “you can tell me how you’re feeling”, but let’s be real. No one wants to hear these thoughts spoken out loud. The negativity would drive people mad. Which is also why the complex PTSD and depression combo leads to a deep sense of loneliness. My ex fiancé literally told me: “I’ll never date someone that has depression again”. (Good idea, and I’ll never date a narcissist with anger issues again. That made the depression worse)

I’ve lived with major depression for about 25 years. I’m very seasoned and extremely functional. I have done every single coping strategy and found ways to create those healthy atomic habits that manage it. I know enough to know that it will come in a crushing wave, but it will also go back to mild at some point too. I’m very effective with helping my clients with depression because I literally know how to manage it from personal experience. I give them more empathy, more grace, and more realistic strategies that won’t perpetuate the shame cycle.

Despite all the healthy coping, the cave will still be a necessary part of the depression process. We hide there. We rest and recover while our body is in a sad, numb, lethargic or dissociative state. We allow the tears to come, or coax them out if needed. I used to wonder what was wrong with me. If I’m so sad, why am I coming home, sitting in the dark, listening to the saddest song that was ever written, writing the saddest poem I have ever thought of while I smoke? Both my ex fiancé and ex BFF thought that this was an insane process. I’m only “making myself sadder”. Wrong. This was a ritual that my brain designed to get me through it. The cave is a way to preserve ourselves while we cleanse and let the wave pass.

Believe it or not, the depression intuition may guide us better than we realize. We are too busy shaming it to understand how effective some of the behaviors and compulsions are. Because when I allowed others to “yank me out” of the cave, they failed miserably. They aggravated me and made it worse. Forcing me up and out of my cave too early. Forcing me on a hike that my body wasn’t ready for. Forcing me to socialize when I can’t make eye contact, talk, or smile. Then they’re offended because their methods don’t work, the relationship is strained, the shame and depression go deeper. So, I’ll go into the cave when I need, and I’ll leave when I’m good and ready.

My Rules for Depression

1- Always have something to look forward to (literally have it booked in your calendar)

2- Move your body (in any which way you want and at whatever pace works for you)

3- Have a Social Hobby that’s low pressure & focuses on the activity, not mingling (martial arts, an art class, fitness class, karaoke or dance, a behaviorally activating hobby of some sort like woodwork, instruments, gardening, cooking etc. The key is to not be pressured to mingle while still getting the benefits of a social atmosphere )

4- Therapy (I almost insist), & Medication (optional but it could be necessary)

5- Find a Support group (this could even be online in free private social media platforms if necessary. Group therapy? Even better)

6- Change up your Routine (Depression breeds off of boredom and monotony. Stir shit up! Seek adventure and some occasional dopamine hits)

7- Force yourself to do a Self care Routine even if it feels pointless. (When it becomes a habit you will eventually see the benefits of it. The improvements could build motivation to continue. And the ritual may one day help you realize that you are actually quite deserving of self care)

8- Keep the Cave and create your personal ritual. It doesn’t have to look like mine, it needs to match your aura and feed your soul. That’s the best way I can explain it. I personally love Emo songs, Junk TV, coffee, writing, being around my cats, medicating, snacks, and my Pilates reformer. Where I can work my core in front of my TV/ music videos but I can move at a zombie pace.

Laughing & Crying Marine

5-30-2026

Interviewer: Elisa A. Escalante / LCSW/ USAF veteran / OEF Vet

Interviewee: Adam Walker/ Retired USMC / OIF Vet/ Author ✍️

Book “Laughing & Crying as a U.S. Marine” , release date: June 2026

Screenshot

Adam Walker is a retired Marine with 25 years of service to include 3 combat tours to Iraq. He is also a writer and a public speaker, which absolutely piqued my interest. I could immediately tell that this is someone that has a lot of wisdom to share.

Elisa Q- First, I always want to know the true reason someone decided to enlist in the military. Not the reason we tell the general public or the recruiter, but the real reason?

Adam A- I wanted to join the military since I was young. The sense of adventure was very appealing to me. As I came to age I just wanted to do it as quickly as I could. I had never traveled much, I wanted to be tested and to become a part of something. I also grew up in poverty where we lived paycheck to paycheck. I always say that because of the military, I went from ‘white trash’ to ‘middle class’. I did not have financial means for college, it felt like a leap to even consider it as an option at the time. Also, growing up, I never lived in the same place for more than two years. PCSing every two years was fine because not having permanency was very normal to me.

Elisa Q- When did you learn that you had a gift for writing and public speaking? And did the military nurture or hinder these talents? I think it can be bitter sweet for me personally. My military and mental health careers have always kept me time limited and interrupted my creative freedom, however, those experiences have also given me so much to write about.

Adam A- When I was a teen I would scribble write, and I had a knack for story telling when I was assigned book reports. I was a huge reader, which still helps stimulate my creativity. I was also a bit of a comic, I liked to entertain people with stories. The marine corps helped me nurture that. With recruiting duty I had to be outgoing and charismatic. As I went up in rank and was assigned leadership roles, I had to learn how to engage and motivate people. By the time I was a MSGT in the USMC, I was growing in public speaking. I was recognized and encouraged to submit to the Marine Corps Gazette. My first article was called Post combat Residue; in which I was comparing PTSD to the stain in a coffee cup. After I published this article, I received the Sergeant Major of the Marine Corps Writing Award in 2013. This boosted my confidence and I wrote 7 more pieces and received the same award again in 2015. Currently, I have a quarterly column in Leatherneck Magazine called ‘Lessons from the Smoke pit’.

Elisa Q- Laugh, lyrics, reflect and ramble were your original four categories on your blog “Takeitontheleftfoot”. What inspired these categories?

Adam A- It’s naturally how I write. I was thinking about how to organize every style and put my work in their respective categories. Humor/ funny stories, creating song lyrics, reflecting on something deep, or rambling. Now, with the book I’m publishing, 80% of it consists of my funny stories. Follow up Question: Do you believe that you use humor as a defense mechanism? Answer: I believe that humor can be both a defense mechanism and healing for people; myself included.

Elisa Q- I read ‘Home is Home’ which I found quite relatable. I also grew up, joined the military, and traveled far from home. There were conflicts between wanting to remember who I was and wanting to run away from it. As if moving and changing my career and identity could erase my past. I moved back to the Mojave desert in 2021, and I have a new appreciation for my home town. I love the nostalgic feel of the lyrics, what inspired it?

Adam A- I think I do get homesick a lot. The region of the blue ridge mountains in the southern Appalachians is where I spent a lot of time. Going out into the woods was a lot simpler than being at home where there was a lot of conflict going on. I camped, back packed, hiked. It’s simple in a way of respecting Mother Nature, and finding a way to survive in it. Finding a means to keep myself protected in whatever weather came my way. Nature’s beauty is therapeutic and healing. I sometimes have thoughts and emotions that hit me and offer me clarity, and I stop what I’m doing and I just start scribbling. Home is Home came to me this way.

Elisa Q- I read that you were injured in your second tour to Iraq in April 2004, You talked about a specific type of moral injury known as survivors guilt. The guilt of surviving when other fellow marines did not. Did you process your grief, repress it? How did it impact you, especially after returning home with many more years left on your enlistment?

Adam A- One, I was quite a workaholic. I felt guilty about my office job when I came back home after combat. But by being a workaholic, I felt like I was doing a service for those that I lost, and that were still in combat. I felt guilty for having a good life. There was a lot of recklessness and drinking, perhaps self sabotage. Not intentionally so, but the sabotage was my own punishment for coming home safe and alive. I believe many combat veterans do this subconsciously.

Elisa Q- Yes, and you refer to your post combat experience as the “angry and thirsty times”; Described as a season in your life that was impactful but brief? Trauma anger and …. a thirst for … what specifically? Medicine? Adrenaline? Dopamine?

Adam A- When I say thirsty, it is me being playful with words. I’m really talking about being an alcoholic. The underlying anger felt like being bitter, on edge and irritable. I kept it inside very well, people didn’t know. I drank for 8 years everyday. I didn’t show ill effects or signs, I was high functioning. Fortunately, I ended up getting a job where I stopped traveling, I slowed down and started working on myself. I realized I wanted to be better and do better. So the answer? The alcohol was medicine. I both laughed and grieved through the drinking and I slept a lot easier at the time.

Elisa Q- What do you think people should know about your book that’s coming out? How was the writing process for you?

Adam A- This book is for marines of all generations and for people that love their Marines. I wrote it in a way that will capture many people’s attention, including people that are interested in joining the Marines. I think it will help people understand through relatable short stories. A leadership book did not appeal to me. My method of writing was to make sure that I took myself solo camping every three months. I would then write as much as I could; this process went on for four years. And then my final year was figuring out how to get it published.

Elisa Q- Technically, you never stopped serving. Neither did I. We’re both still working for the DOW. Do you ever think about full retirement? Is it deeper than a paycheck? Does it still feel like a calling? A mission? Or a purpose?

Adam A- I’m making a living, I’m good at it and it’s stable. I would love to make a living out of writing but I’m not quite there yet. But at the same time, I’m not sure that I ever want to write for money, I fear that if I wrote for money I might then lose my passion for it. I also still like living in a Marine community, I have a lot of friends and a good social network here at Camp Legeune. I still go to the gym most mornings where I’m surrounded by my community. (Adam retired in 2019)

Elisa Q- Have you ever helped someone learn to appreciate writing for themselves? As a therapist, giving people the suggestion to journal to process their emotions is always hit or miss.

Adam A- No. (Laughs) But, I have encouraged people to commit to reading short stories. They may not be able to commit to a novel, but a two page short story can be inspiring and help grow their appetite for reading. I think many ppl see writing as a chore. They associate it with school and maybe they never did enjoy school. Not everyone is built for it. People don’t always fall in love with words.

Elisa Q: Any favorite song lyrics??

Adam A- Hootie & the Blowfish; Not even the trees.

Alone as I sit and watch the trees
Won’t you tell me if I scream, will they bend down and listen to me?
And it makes me wonder if I know the words, will you come?
Or will you laugh at me? Or will I run?

Little boy says to me, “Where you going now, son?”
I said, “I don’t know where I’m going, boy, I only know where I’m from”
And it makes me wonder if the stars shine when my eyes close
Or does my brother’s heart cry? I don’t know

(I love it and now I must listen to it!)

Elisa Q: Any words of wisdom or encouragement?

Adam A: I think every Veteran, especially combat veterans need to find a creative outlet. Maybe it’s fixing a car, home repair, gardening, or any type of art. It is a mechanism by which they can begin to heal; indirectly of course. The things they cannot verbalize are winding in the back of their mind, but the creative outlet can help bring it forward. Veterans used to destroy, but now they can create. For me, the outlet has always been writing and story telling. Deep down, I wish I also had music, so that I can produce some of the songs I have written. Maybe one day I can get into that too.

Elisa Q- What’s the next project for you?

Adam A- I do have a children’s story that I wrote a couple years ago. I would consider publishing it, I think it would be unexpected for my audience. I also have ideas for a historical novel. But I would need to develop as someone who does research so that I can create the novel with historical accuracy. I already have the story line and characters developed, but I don’t know if I’m capable of long form writing. It would definitely require some personal growth.

Jealous

Elisa A. Escalante/ LCSW/ 5-12-2026

I came across a very controversial stream of TikTok’s. The debate centered around a video in which a content creator admitted to being very jealous of one of her friends. She spoke about it so openly and honestly. She was vulnerable about it, I will admit. Some people praised her for her honesty and could relate. Others were heavily triggered by her honesty and urged her to seek therapy because she is… dangerous. Many people stated that it is normal for humans to feel jealousy sometimes, while other people said fleeting jealousy could be normal, but spending a large amount of time with someone that you secretly dislike, is abnormal and toxic.

There’s a distinction between emotions, thoughts and behaviors. The emotion of jealousy, like all other emotions, is normal and fleeting. Every human will feel jealous sometimes. But as I always say, our thoughts can be fabricated. And, our behaviors can be modified. The influencer not only expressed jealousy, but it became clear she had what is known as “compare and despair” thought patterns. She compared her life to her friends in a way that caused her to feel her friend is privileged, while she could “never be as lucky as her”. She resented her over time. And yes, this can be toxic. It’s a negative schema that promotes victimhood and resentment towards those that she perceives as ‘better off’.

In therapy, when my clients bring up jealousy, I encourage them to look inward. There’s three to four major questions I ask them to reflect on:

1- What do I fear? 2- What are my unmet needs? 3- Can I achieve what they have? If so, how?

Why are these answers relevant? They help get us back to ourselves and what is in our control. The questions can also help keep us from projecting our jealousy onto the person that triggered it. Because in the majority of cases, people are not purposely trying to make us jealous. It just, happens. It isn’t about the person that triggered the jealousy, it is about the core wound that was hurt within us.

The fears: When people are jealous, they tend to fear a multitude of things. It could be a fear of being rejected, a fear of being cheated on, lied to or abandoned. We could fear social rejection or embarrassment. Our egos are often involved in this. And if we act out due to our jealousy having an underlying fear, it often makes the situation worse. Especially because the majority of those fears are completely out of our control. Why are these fears so potent? Because technically it is a part of our survival. Our mental / emotional safety is just as relevant as our physical safety. Human beings need to connect, be accepted, be loved and so on. Our lifestyles depend on a society that accepts and takes care of us. But, if we aren’t careful and we let the jealousy lead to maladaptive thought patterns and behaviors, we could perpetuate the very thing we are trying to avoid: social persecution and betrayal.

The Unmet needs: The unmet needs that could trigger our jealousy? What if we see someone getting the attention that we want and have been deprived of? Or the money, success or promotion that we so desperately need. Or the quality time we have been begging for? The emotional attunement or the shelter/ security we long for? It can be hurtful and tempting to dislike the person who appears to get something we need, for minimal to no effort at all. But that energy we exert toward jealousy and hatred would be better exerted toward….

The achievements we want: If someone has something that we want, whether it be time, attention, success, promotions, we are better off finding out how we can achieve the same things. Rather than hating on someone that already has it. IF anything, that person could be our mentor, assuming they earned it. Or we can find mentors to help guide us in the direction we want. Sure, the world is full of privilege, but dwelling on that does not get us any closer to a goal that we want to achieve. Create a plan, goals, objectives and execute. Work on being calculated. And when things get hard? Remember that that is why so many people quit. That’s the process. When I see people achieving things that I want, I remind myself that it is because I have been slacking and allowing myself to get further from my goals. Maybe I became complacent or fearful. It has nothing to do with that other person.

Conclusion: If there is any take away, always remember: Feelings are facts, thoughts can be fabricated, and behaviors can be modified. Know the difference between the three. An emotion is a human response and meant to be interpreted, thoughts can be distorted and destructive if we aren’t careful. Behaviors can be harmful/ maladaptive so we must work on them always. They happen so quickly in a chain of events that quite often, people mix them up and believe they are one in the same. Break them down. Learn, grow, practice humility.

Mental Discomfort

Elisa A. Escalante/ LCSW/ 03-27-2026

Various mental health disorders/ issues require us to do the exact opposite of what we want to do, because we have the disorder. This is the strain of mental health. It isn’t rainbows and butterflies, rather, it’s pushing people to sit in discomfort, or to do the very things that may trigger them. This is why many people run away from treatment or avoid it all together. The idea of change, though hopeful, is very hard to do.

Depression causes people to suffer through low energy, low motivation, lethargy, lack of purpose, numbing, sadness etc. The last thing people with depression want to do is go on walks, get outside, plan social time with others, or explore ways to feel purpose. But, they need to do those things in order to simply ‘manage’ the depressive symptoms. Will they be happy? Not necessarily. They will manage it, still feel somewhat depressed, and tired while pushing themselves. It is vital that they give themselves permission to ‘zombie’ through their coping skills. Zombie walk, zombie chores, zombie shower, zombie hobby, zombie study, socialize in small spurts, and definitely get some rest when they complete their tedious tasks. Affirm that it is quite the accomplishment to still do healthy things even when their minds and bodies are working against them daily. They must always put something on their schedule to look forward to. They must always move, the pace is irrelevant. They need purpose, especially on the days where living life feels pointless. They need to stir up the monotonous/ boring routine with adventures. They need gratitude and positive affirmations as their mind plagues them with pessimism, brain fog, and or numbing. They need comedy and laughter to combat the misery. They need some solitude in order to recharge their social batteries but then have social time in spurts for connection and oxytocin.

Low Self Worth/ Self Love: How does one self love when they are filled with self hatred from their own childhood traumas? They lack the capacity, they were not taught the skills, they may be walking around with shame and the sense that they are burdensome and the abuse was their fault. They have self destructive tendencies, not self love. I believe to start in the right direction, we must recognize that self love could be unattainable, and perhaps starting with self acceptance is a more reasonable goal. It starts with using humanizing language, reframing distorted thoughts, while challenging outdated survival programs that helped solely when the patient was living in survival mode. Behaviorally, these patients will also have to ‘force’ themselves to do self care even when it feels unnatural or pointless. It has a backwards effect. They do not self care because they care, they do it because they ‘have to’, and in turn, it can turn into a habit/ ritual. The healthier self care/ grooming, over time, may change how they see themselves. What may first start as an obnoxious healthy habit that they ‘have to do’, can turn into very real visible benefits that they eventually want to keep up. Looking healthy will help them feel healthy. Feeling healthy will reinforce that the habit is worth the upkeep. Then they can humanize themselves and see that they are deserving of self care, and their body and mind are thanking them for the effort.

Anxiety: Anxiety leads people to talk themselves out of things, shy away from risk, and their minds are tortured due to thinking about all of the worst case scenarios. When it get’s severe, it could turn into full blown agoraphobia where they rarely or never leave their homes.; all to avoid the external danger/ triggers. The reason this perpetuates anxiety, is because if they don’t take risks, they don’t prove to themselves that they are capable of some things, or learning from mistakes without the world ending. If they do not step outside of their home, they do not prove to themselves that they can go out, have fun and stay safe. No proof of safety allows the anxious brain to convince itself that those concrete beliefs, are without a doubt, the reality of their world. Is danger a fact of life? Yes. It is happening everywhere? 24/7? Never. Also, cognitively, it works very much like a stereotype. The anxious brain is wired to danger seek, and therefore will ignore everything that proves it wrong and hyper focus on the danger/ risks that prove the mind correct. They also must remind themselves, through affirmations of safety, that they are living life, breathing, walking, running errands, and doing things where they end up safe, and still alive. They will still need their daily spurts of Non stimulation time where nothing is coming at them, where they can calm their sympathetic nervous system; deep breaths, meditation, aroma/ art therapy, journaling, reading, baths/ showers etc.

Raising kid’s with ODD: We can look at oppositional defiance in kid’s as a ‘survival strategy’. Now, what are they surviving? Too much overwhelming tasks; homework, studying, chores etc. What are they protecting? Their own energy. ODD is about energy conservation. This is why even when the chore in question makes perfect sense, the child might still resist it. Parents will grow impatient and frustrated and likely discipline the ODD child. Unfortunately, this will perpetuate the ODD more. When the child feels and believes they are bad, they act up even more. They also learn to not fear the risks of getting in trouble, so the yelling and discipline is not longer a motivator for them to ‘do better’. They receive lectures and chores from teachers, mentors, parents and coaches daily. But, where is the praise that can reinforce that doing positive things will help them feel positive and confident? Praising a ‘bad’ child sounds… odd, right? Praising them for completing homework, even if we believe it’s something ‘they just oughta do’ no questions ask. Praising them for not yelling/ kicking as much as they did last week. Praising them for when the school doesn’t call again with another complaint. Praising them for doing a chore they hate. Praising them for getting even one of their grades up. Modeling by example and showing them that doing healthy things can improve mood and the dynamics around them. A household that punishes all of the wrong doings, and never praises the accomplishments (even minor ones) will often perpetuate ODD.

Conclusion: This is why mental health work takes time to work. Imagine if in a first session I told a depressed person to ‘just workout and get more sunlight and talk to friends’? Imagine if I told an anxious person they need to push themselves and go out and take the damn risks? Imagine if I told the parent that is struggling with a difficult child to be nice to their child and treat them better? Imagine if I told someone that cannot love themselves to do the self care anyways? They would run away if they were over saturated with interventions that they do not believe they have the capacity to do. And, they would feel insulted. Like I’m throwing blanket solutions at complex problems. And, they are in fact, complex and chronic conditions. Some may require lifelong management. Before behaviorally modifications can even be made, we have to listen to why they exist in the first place. With empathy, with compassion, explore the parts of them that needed their survival strategies in the hardest/ darkest times.

CPAP Sleep

Elisa A. Escalante/ LCSW/ 3-17-2026

I chose option 3 right in the middle

For the past couple of years, my family and friends have been urging me to get another sleep study. I procrastinated because I wanted to stay in denial. I did not want to learn that I have sleep apnea and will be required to wear a CPAP for the rest of my life if I wish to have restful sleep and normal daytime energy. I reluctantly booked the at home sleep study, because there was no way i was going to go back into another sleep clinic overnight and get hooked up to a million wires. (I did this when I was enlisted Air force and my originally sleep study showed no abnormalities) My test results lead to a diagnosis of moderate obstructive sleep apnea and I was told I wake up an average of 22 times an hour. Well damn.

When deciding on a mask, I already knew I would rule out anything that went over my mouth, ever since the military gas chambers I struggle with claustrophobia anytime something covers my mouth. I also did not want a mask that goes completely up my nostrils, also known as pillows. I also realized I do not want a mask that lays on the bridge of my nose, since I’m already a glasses wearer. This is why I chose option 3 from the picture above. It’s a nostril mask only that fits securely around the bottom part of the nose, and it has holes that point directly at the nostrils. The seal felt comfortable, and my consultant informed me that she wears the same one and loves it. Sold.

CPAP sleep

Day 1: I woke up noticing only mild fatigue and I didn’t need to hit snooze multiple times. I also did not feel too much dread about the work day. I had no fantasies of death, as I often have upon waking up due to severe fatigue. I did not have sleep drunkenness; where I am usually wobbly and walking into walls. My nose hurt because of all the air pressure, but it went away in 5-10 minutes. I arrived at work at 7:30 am, and started to feel awake by 8:45 am. Usually I do not feel fully awake until noon or later. In my mandated morning meaning, I was only slightly irritable versus being rageful as I deal with people wasting my time with useless morning announcements. When I got home after work, I had energy and motivation to workout and do some chores. Off to a good start.

Day 2: I woke up barely feeling tired. I moved at a moderate pace. I noticed again that I started to feel awake shortly after 8 am. I was happy to FaceTime a couple of friends between sessions or during no-shows. Usually my social battery cannot handle that. I was writing more notes between sessions very efficiently. I left work a few hours early to hit the road to go visit my family over the weekend and the drive was smooth. No fatigue.

The Weekend: For my weekend trip, I did not feel like packing the CPAP. I slept in at my own leisure. But I couldn’t help but notice the huge difference. I was so groggy and unable to get up or move well without the CPAP. I hit snooze 4-5X and had various stress dreams. I usually have the ability to fall back to asleep multiple times in the morning, some people have called me lucky for this. But it’s a very difficult feeling. It feels like my mind/ body are trying to drag me back into the dream world/ dimension. Like I do not belong in reality. I dragged my feet to go outside for a late morning walk Saturday morning. By Sunday morning I slept in even more and didn’t have the chance for a walk.

Day 3: Back to work Monday. And for a Monday, I felt alright. I did not feel the need to hit snooze. I went to work slightly nervous about a fully booked day. My energy level was normal by 8 am. I went into my initial visit in a good mood, I did not feel emotionally dysregulated throughout the day. I work with mental health patients so it is quite hard to stay internally calm at times. I’m a sponge of empathy and tend to feel the emotions radiating off of clients. If I am tired and grumpy, it will only make the day more tedious. I started to realize how silly I was for procrastinating on getting a diagnosis and treatment plan that has been very beneficial already.

Day 4: Today I hit snooze once, but I did not fall back to sleep. I got out of bed before the second alarm hit and shut it off early. I got ready at a quicker pace and left a little early. I went right to my 0730 morning meeting feeling ‘awake’ ish. I still don’t like meetings but it was bearable. I saw all six of my patients and I remained in an okay/ calm mood through most of the sessions. I’m at home right now getting restless. It’s time to workout again! I’m a little worried I may develop insomnia due to having way more energy but time will tell.