Luxuries

Elisa A. Escalante/ LCSW/ 11-4-2023

How often do we think about our luxuries? Humans, dare I say, are more prone to obsessing over problems and what they lack, vs what they have. I suppose this innate drive helps in that we are constantly searching for ways to improve our situation. That can be helpful. But then again, some people have no compulsion to problem solve, they are simply conditioned to vent with no resolution in sight. I cannot remember what recently made me think about luxury, but I found myself wanting to process the luxuries I enjoy as well as the luxuries I notice that others enjoy that I am not privy to. And what is luxury? Even that definition is changing. These days I find myself saying “Everything is a luxury item”. Why? Because everything has been so damn expensive. Even our food and water and housing, which some would call a ‘right’ more than a luxury. Luxury is ‘the state of great comfort and extravagant living’ per the Oxford language definition. Luxury is truly a word that depends on perception though. The classic Boomer vs Millennial/ Gen Z debate continues. We whine that they had it ‘more affordable back in their day’, and they clap back at us with “Ya’ll buy too many luxury items these days that we never bought…. like Starbucks’. (I don’t buy Starbucks anymore btw)

I’ve heard tampons referred to as luxury items by men, that one was quite laughable. But then again, there are third world countries perhaps where a woman would kill to have a tampon. And in America, we might consider the lifestyle of only 6-hour workdays, free healthcare, free education and long lunch breaks as a major luxury we will never have. The grass is always greener, isn’t it? And don’t we often want something that we cannot have? Life gets mundane after a while, no matter how you choose to live it; and the temptation sets in. For more things… for better things… for a different lifestyle. I encourage everyone to think deeply about the luxuries they enjoy, not just the luxuries they want, that they have not yet been able to attain.

The Luxuries I do NOT have:

I do not have the luxury of Rich parents My Bio Mom was a bartender when she met my Dad who was serving in the USMC. As my Dad got older, he had multiple marriages and divorces, and a ton of money spent, tons of debt etc. I didn’t grow up with him when I was younger, but he was responsible and always paid his child support no matter what. Therefore, I did have financial stability, just not riches. NO college fund. I was pushed to go into the military due to how bad the economy was, so I enlisted and 12 days after boot camp, I was in the Air Force. When parents cannot pay for you to go to college, there are only a few options. You either have to be insanely smart to get scholarships, (I was above average, but not a genius) or take out loans and work your way through college (that did not sound fun), or join the military and sacrifice your life, and live to enjoy your earned benefits of college. That route sounded more exciting and sensible for me. People that have rich parents that can afford college, cars, and homes for them are lucky, assuming they are not being poorly treated or abused of course.

I did not have the luxury of a mother’s love My early childhood was made up of neglect and being left at random people’s home’s. My mother suffered from extreme drug addictions. I did have a grandmother’s love and later in life a Stepmother’s love. Just not a Bio Mom’s love. So that complicates things. By the time I was 5 going on 6, living with Grandma, my self-esteem was already destroyed. I already did not believe people when they told me “I was beautiful” or “I’m so smart”. I distinctly remember believing they were lying. And through life I always carried this belief of “I’m Unlovable” that has done damage to every adult relationship I have had. Having an unconditional mother’s love in babyhood and childhood can make or break someone’s self-esteem. And it is, in fact, a luxury. Some parents choose not to parent.

I do NOT have the luxury of a fast metabolism I’ve had to worry about my weight as young as the age of 13/14. I have always had slow metabolism, with a not so good diet as I grew up with Grandma’s Mexican cooking for some time. Cross country through High school allowed me to not get overweight. Then as a young adult, the military standards forced me to keep up with my fitness and not get overweight. But, even when I was working out every day and eating as healthy as possible, the medical teams would check my BMI and tell me I’m obese. When you’re only five feet, you must be under 124 pounds to be ‘healthy’. I’ve only ever been that weight once in my adult life! It was when they were starving me in Bootcamp. As silly as this sounds, it is a luxury to have a quicker metabolism in that you won’t experience ‘body shaming/ fat shaming’ which can lead to eating disorders in the long run. People are still superficial sometimes, and we form opinions on people the moment we meet them. Fatphobia and the overall stigma of having some thickness on the body still runs deep. I grew up having to work twice as hard as my leaner friends, for only half the results.

My Luxuries:

The Luxury of intelligence I did typically excel in school, to include college. I worked my ass off too, but I do not believe it was all hard work at this point. I noticed I did pick up a few subjects quite easily. Math especially, as I noticed most people found math hard, while I found that it felt easy. I also noticed my father had a math brain. He could read the lesson plan in ten minutes and then teach it to me. I also know without a doubt, I do not have the burden of ADHD. I can focus on things when I set my mind to it. School just always, made sense. You get assigned things, there’s a deadline, and you accomplish it by the deadline. Then, the military made sense. Structure always felt natural. I can’t fix anything, and my kinetic intelligence is trash, but anything involving paperwork/ admin/ social work/ the mind… that comes easy. The older I get, the luckier I feel to have my brain. It’s a halfway decent money maker and so far, I’ve been able to stay out of trouble and have a halfway decent life. If you are gifted with intelligence, you are luckier than you think; don’t ruin it and don’t take it for granted!

The luxury of Strict parents I absolutely hated this luxury as a kid/ teen, but then I grew up to see the value in it. Strict parents are parents that put in effort, and care. Even if they have a crazy way of showing it. I realize that if I had been able to do what I wanted, when I wanted, maybe I would not have made the best decisions for me. My strict parents (Dad and Stepmom from ages 11-18) helped me understand that life is ‘not about just doing what you want and being happy’. I feel like I learned a lot of hard lesson’s young. I was not shocked as an adult; I was already conditioned to ‘not get what I want’. I was taught that you will work your ass off sometimes and get very little reward. I was taught that I did not deserve things just because I wanted them. It almost felt as if I was already conditioned for the military. I never did get in formal trouble during my military career because I already knew what being in a strict environment felt like and I was able to follow orders with ease. In fact, getting out and having absolute freedom was what was hard to get conditioned to.

The luxury of Job security…. so far I hope this continues for as long as possible. I’m 34 and have not been fired yet. I signed a six-year contract with the Air force and served it fully before honorably separating. I went to college using my GI Bill which covered the bills and I finished college right on time. I had my first civilian career working for the Brooklyn VA for 3.5 years, and then I decided to resign and kept my reputation intact. I then worked a 6-month research contract job; I finished my projects fully and the contract ended. And now, I’ve been a behavioral health consultant for a military base primary care clinic for almost two years. I’ve always had a job, because Social work is one of the fastest growing professions in the U.S. due to it being in extremely high demand. I feel like Americans are quite vulnerable these days, so to have this type of job security I have had in my adult life does feel like a luxury. (Knock on wood)

The luxury of good physical health I have been fortunate with my physical health! (my mental health is a mess but that’s a whole other story) as far as physical, I have no diseases that I’m aware of. I have never broken a bone. I only have one chronic muscle injury that’s still quite mild. I don’t have any physiological functional impairments that mess with my ability to work (just mental). Chronic depression does make it to where I’m at only 50-70 percent energy most days… but overall I do feel I have the luxury of descent physical health. I know many people that don’t have that luxury! And it’s quite sad 😔