Be Merry

Elisa A. Escalante/ LCSW/ 12-18-2024

When we enter the Holiday Season, I like to encourage my patients to “make the Holidays whatever they need it to be”. Do you need to grieve? Grieve. Do you need to keep it low key because you are overwhelmed? Okay. Are you in a celebratory mood and you would love nothing more than to decorate? Okay. The holidays should be whatever you need to make them based off of your mental health, financial situation, and psychosocial circumstances. There’s a much higher need to filter out societal, family and romantic pressure’s. Whether you cannot afford presents or decor, or you do not have an intimate partner to enjoy the time with, or you do not have the time or income to visit everyone. Somewhere along the lines, most of us will ‘fall short’. I hope we can enjoy it regardless. Even in micro doses.

To travel or Not to travel? There’s pros and cons to this. If you have the energy and finances to travel, and you want to visit friends or family that are not local, that is understandable. Go for it! If you cannot travel, that is okay too. I personally dislike traveling over the Holidays. I dislike the traffic, I dislike how everything is more expensive because companies know that they can get away with it. Planning something to do at home or somewhere local can be fun. We don’t really have to ‘hunt down the Holidays’, they are brought to us. There is no mandate on where you go or how you choose to spend your time. You can bring the Holiday to your home as well.

Presents and/ or quality time: Think love languages, how we show love is what is most important. Sometimes it’s through gifts, or quality time, or acts of service. We can get creative with our gifts, it does not have to be expensive. It does not have to be a new item persay. It can be family game time, arts or crafts that you made from scratch. It can be through some home made cooking. It can involve walking or driving around and looking at christmas lights. Gifts are often seen as items. But on the contrary, gifts can be visual, a gift can be the fact that we are spending time with people we love. A gift can be feeding our time with activities that calm our souls.

Single during the Holidays: The Holidays tend to cater a bit more to people that are married with kid’s. There are many wonderful family rituals. Embrace your spouse’s & kid’s! If you are single and/ or going through a divorce; the story will be different for you. Grieving relationships during the holiday is brutal. This happened to me last year when I dealt with a break up just 11 days before Xmas of 2023. I couldn’t even be around a christmas celebration last year. What helped was my support system. I isolated but I contacted & facetimed many of my friends and family members; they can truly be helpful when you are going through grief. Of course, make sure you are connecting with the right people. People that are actually supportive vs hyper critical.

Food and Drink: Have you ever tried to go on a ‘diet’ during the Holidays? It’s next to impossible. Between October 31st to New Years day is a rough time for people that are hoping to manage their weight. Or, for people that are trying to cut back on alcohol. On one hand, give yourself some grace because there are far too many appetite and emotional triggers during the Holidays. On the other hand, still care about your health despite the extra temptation. You can have the proper nutrients still, even if you spent the morning binging on leftover Holiday goodies. You can still workout, on the days before and after the Holiday. Or even on the Holiday! I love working out on Holidays because I have the time off! Hence, more energy/ time to actually get a workout in.

Boundaries; they don’t vanish just because it’s a Holiday: One of the fastest ways to destroy Holiday cheer is to pressure and guilt trip friends or family members into spending time with you and/ or getting you gifts. Everyone is scrambling for a plan so that they don’t have to feel lonely. Sometimes ugly personality traits or defense mechanisms come out to play. Let’s remember that respect is very important. Respect that not everyone is in the same place; mentally, financially and in proximity. Respect that everyone has the right to self determination and freedom of will, yes even people related to us by blood. If I get upset around the Holidays for something small such as someone being too busy for me, or unable to get me a present, I know that I need to look inward and check my ego.

A Reasonable New years resolution: The SMART goal is destribed as simplistic, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely. It’s boring, yes. It isn’t as exciting as those crash workout plans or crash diets. But, it’s better because of the longetivity that is associated with sustainable goals that we can actually fit into our schedule. For the people that never meet their New years resolutions, the issue is one of two things. 1- They do not actually want to do that goal. 2- The goal will not realistically fit into their lifestyle. If someone wishes and expects themselves to perform miracles, but then they remind themselves once again that they simply human, they set themselves up for shame sabotage. You can absolutely set a goal/ resolution that you can meet! Make sure that it aligns with your wants, needs, values, and schedule.