Toxic Influencers

Elisa A. Escalante/ LCSW/ 03-10-2025

You scroll through social media and within several hours, you may have already received contradicting research, information and/ or advice from influencers. Influencers could include healthcare professionals, life coaches, fitness fanatics, celebrities and so on. I know that there are different definitions of the term. I see an ‘influencer’ as someone that can shape/ persuade people to see things ‘in a specific way’ or shape our ‘worldview’ so to speak. And, the more famous someone becomes, the more power they have. Followers turns to views/ attention, which turns into impressions/ insights. It can be harmful if the ‘wrong person’ speaks about the ‘wrong thing’. If an inexperienced person tries to speak on something they are not educated on while their followers listen. A large number of people taking bad advice can be dangerous; we have seen this time and time again.

On Dating– There is an abundance of love coaches, dating ‘experts’, marriage counselors, match makers, love language and attachment theory enthusiasts all over social media giving what they believe to be ‘the right recipe for love and relationships’. I myself have chosen to become ‘TheBreakupTherapist’ on TikTok. This isn’t to push everyone to break up. My niche is about helping people with break up recovery grief/ trauma; with psychoeducation, humor, and/ or creative writing. Why? Break ups are inevitable. They are actually a lot more common than a ‘happily ever after’. Some of the new influencers will try to insist that in order to solidify a forever relationship, people should try x, y and z. And sadly, there are people that are vulnerable enough to believe what is out there. Some are pushing women to hunt for rich men, some are pushing for women to avoid men all together. Some are pushing for men to go for subservient women; maids, or sex servants. Some discourage 50/50 and insist that it can never work while pushing for traditional gender roles. While other influencers demonize traditional roles, and insist that everyone become hyper independent. If a dating influencer has a lot of ‘black and white’/ ‘all or nothing’ rhetoric that polarizes their audience, I would say… red flag! If the influencer is simply pushing a lifstyle that ‘worked for them’ and appears to be under the impression that it can work for everyone, also a red flag. Pushing people to follow a specific love/ dating recipe would be like me as a therapist pushing all of my patients through the exact same intervention. We are all all unique!

On Mental health– I entered the mental health field in 2008 at the young age of 19 y/o. I worked in a military mental health clinic as one of the techs, and the stigma was quite strong. It was not easy convincing people to go to mental health back then. In the past 17 years, I have seen a massive shift; especially since 2020. Just like that, my profession went from being stigmatized and avoided to becoming popular and encouraged. We (therapists) even started getting paid our worth… kind of. Mental health discussion is everywhere now. All over social media there are therapists making content, life coaches, regular people that suffer from mental illness openly discussing their personal experiences. Diagnostics and symptoms are more well known; but sometimes over diagnosed. That being said, many people are out there giving mental health advice and diagnosing themselves and each other on the internet. Clinicians are taught to never try to diagnose anyone outside of professional treatment, the rest of the world does not follow these ethics. Wrongful diagnosing is harmful. Giving someone poor advice for their ‘wrong diagnosis’ is also harmful. Spiraling into a google black hole of mental health research could perpetuate depression and anxiety. Even though mental health has been the career I have devoted myself to, I recognize the importance of stepping away from it and having doses of reality; being in the moment. It’s also important to note that mental illness is not actually ‘unique’, but quite common. Some people believe that there is a ‘divide’ that exists between the helping professionals and their clients. Therapists may have a reputation of being a ‘super human’ with super abilities. But rest assured, your therapist may not ethically be allowed to ‘burden’ you with their issues, but it does not mean they are symptom free.

On Fitness– There are many wonderful fitness experts/ coaches/ nutritionists etc. But there are a couple of things the majority are not well versed in; food addiction vs eating disorders, and the different styles of cravings some human’s may suffer through. Keeping in mind that when you have a large audience of people, and you are pushing a diet and fitness plan onto them, some people will not take well to that diet and it may perpetuate an eating disorder. The underlying emotional themes could include: deprivation, obsessions, perfectionism, rebelliousness and shame. The behavioral themes could include heavy restricting/ tension, cravings/ binges, purging and obsessive checking in on: scale numbers, clothes sizes, mirrior reflections, tape measures etc. If the person with a food addiction and/ or eating disorder ‘crashes and burns’, the shame might eat them alive. Healthy minded people are taking well to the diet and fitness plan, people with eating disorders are suffering all over again, usually in silence. Since I rarely find eating disorder friendly fitness influencers, I tried to become my own. I am what is called a ‘number free athlete’, which means I refrain from numbers & rigid rules so that I can stay in shape without perpetuating the ED cycle. I also like to focus on the healthy meals I do enjoy, versus the foods I ‘cannot have’ (forbidden foods are frowned upon in ED treatment) which would lead to a risk of my brain gravitating toward deprivation/ craving/ rebellion mode. I encourage all fitness/ nutrition experts to become well versed in ED’s and cravings; hunger cravings, appetite cravings and emotional cravings.

On Career- There was a time that it was the norm to tell the kid’s to get good grades, go to college, get a good job and get married. Today, the options are unlimited. There are people that are literally making money from their phones everyday while not going to a ‘conventional’ office. There are people doing Vanlife; traveling the country and vlogging their experiences. There always have been tradesmen & women, and we are finally making the effort to destigmatize trades, as they can offer great pay/ entreprenuerial opportunies. Speaking of entrepreneurship, now more people are talking about creating their own jobs and working for themselves. Though people are still tempted to ‘warn people’ about what to do and what not to do, the fact is that these expended career opportunities are happening. If they are happening, that means that they are possible. There are people that have become walking/ living proof. I like to encourage people to nurture the field that pulls their interest, and to seek out good role models/ mentors so that they can educate themselves on how to become what they visualize. If a child/ teen wants to become a real estate worker one day, why would they listen to someone pushing them to get a four year degree? If someone wants to work in repairs, why would they listen to someone who doesn’t even know how to use a hammer? If someone aspires to have a career that requires an advanced degree, why would they listen to everyone tell them ‘that it is too hard, and too expensive’? And, if someone wants to own their own business one day, they ought to talk to someone who has, themeselves, owned and operated a successful business.

IN conclusion, when people are watching you and taking in your content and advice, that is a huge responsibility. Trying to put your message out there while trying to help, and not trigger as many people as possible is quite a job. Also, weeding through the trolls and negativity. I believe that if I am helping even a handful of people, then maybe it is worth it.