Elisa A. Escalante/ LCSW/ 08-05-2026
“ You left me with a memory. But how can I live with that? I don’t need another reminder, that there was once a home, that almost felt like home.” -EaE
Maybe I should start by sharing a list of things that I was promised, but did not receive. Help with chores, bill splitting, saving for a home together, marriage (back when I wanted it), meet ups, dates, mind blowing sex, getting my money back after I lent it out, consideration, honest communication, reciprocal energy etc. I’m not saying that I never received these things ever. I’m saying that plenty of people promised these things, and could not deliver. Then I wonder why. Is it manipulation? Is it people with good intentions but they over estimate their love toward me and their abilities? Either way, it’s harmful. A promise can create hope, a hope can get destroyed, the destruction may cause thought spirals and emotional dysregulation. It seems so small, but overtime, future faking can cause more trauma and trust issues. I found myself asking my friends: Is it possible to die from dissapointment? It sounds dramatic, but I experienced somatic symptoms. I felt as if I was sinking deeper and deeper into a black hole due to the dissappointment of people constantly future faking me for their own selfish gains. It has led me to a point in my life where I cannot believe anyone, at all. And that is unfair to the people in my life that have good intent and mean well.
Why do People Future fake?
Temporary relief: The less malicious reasons to future fake include deflection and instant gratification. For example, if someone tells their partner they will do the chore, but they do not do it. They just wanted their partner to believe they will do the chore so they will stop nagging them. A parent tells their child that they will take them to do a fun activity so the child is happy again, but then there is no follow through. The first example was deflection in the sense that it get’s someone out of the ‘hot seat’ so to speak. The second example was instant gratification because it put the child in a better mood. Unfortunately this type of future faking does not involve any consequential thinking. Eventually that person that received a promise will eventually feel let down if they do not receive it. And if someone makes a promise that they do not keep, technically, they lied. Some people believe they are doing the right thing by giving people pretty words that can cheer them up, but the outcome of them being let down in the long run will do more damage. This act will cause people to destroy their foundation of trust that they have built with another human.
Influencing behaviors: The malicious reason people future fake; it is about manipulation and ulterior motives. A narcissist/ pathological liar pretending they have a good job, money and they love someone in order to convince them to move into their home and then using them for their home and money. (Yes this happened to me) Someone pretending to care about someone else only to access their body, and then discarding them after. (been there as well) Promising/ Pretending to be monogamous with someone so that they will give you monogamy back, but then cheating on them. (yesX3) These behaviors are quite evil. These types of people can only be described as… people without values/ morals or ethics. People that operate from defense mechanisms and distorted thoughts. Every perpetrator of manipulation I have experienced had a ‘point of view’, but it was flawed and built off of their trauma; in the worse way possible. And maybe it’s not trauma at all. Some people are sociopathic and enjoy hurting others for a dopamine fix. Maybe they enjoy the reactions they get, maybe it feeds their ego. Maybe it makes them feel powerful to control/ manipulate other people’s choices through the act of deciept.
Promises made during a stage of life: Now, let’s go ahead and go back to giving some people the benefit of the doubt. Some people truly make promises that they believe in; at the time they make them. A common example would be Wedding Vows. Most couples that are getting married are in love, and the love is so deep and intense that they truly believe they can contain/ maintain that love forever. Obviously a large chunk of people cannot live up to the wedding vows. Were they lying? Probably not. Did they over estimate what love can do for them and their relationship? Did they over estimate their ability and capacty to love? YES. After promises are made, some people feel obligated to keep up with the promises, sometimes long after the feelings fade. This can cause a lot of conflict. What they promised/ set out to do is no longer in line with how they truly feel. This is where people are at a high risk of living double lives and lying and/ or cheating on their partners. What started as good intent, ends up turning into future faking someone into a ‘happily ever after’ fairtytale, that’s actually more equivalent to a nightmare.
Functionally Mental 