Heart of Ruby

Elisa A Escalante

“Maybe you didn’t need me, but I needed you,

As I sat on that rock, waiting to see you,

You called and said you’d come, and somehow I believed you,

And watched the cars go by, hoping I’d see you,

Because you gave me life, yes I came from you,

But you were not there, to see my life through,

You always left me, yet I never stopped loving you,

Because every time I saw you, I felt you were brand new,

And it made me angry, knowing I couldn’t change you,

Grabbing at your feet, begging and pleading with you,

To not go in that room, and put that stuff in you.

I thought that I meant more, since I belonged to you.

I always thought you’d change, and that you’d get a clue,

In that dazed mind of yours, that perhaps I needed you,

But you never came, as I waited for you,

That last time was the last, that I would ever trust you,

Because enough is enough, there is no changing you,

Not for your son or your daughter, not for your husband or you,

Maybe you don’t think of me, but I think of you,

As I spend my life, waiting to see you………

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And then the moment came, that I could see you,

Not the best circumstance, not the best you,

It’s a shame it took so long, for me to see you,

For you to almost die, for me to hear of you,

In a way you were the same, in a way you were still you,

And I became so distant, no longer did I know you,

You told me that you loved me, that I was a part of you,

You told your son to be careful, because he was just like you,

That he’d end up in that bed, if he turned into you.

You loved how much I had grown, and how I looked like you,

And I just sat and cried, as I looked at you.

Knowing ten years sped by, we’d been torn apart by you,

The substances had won, in our battle for you,

They took you over, won your heart too,

But know that no matter what, I’ll try to be there for you.

No longer can it be as your daughter, but as a friend for you.

Yes you never needed me, and now I no longer need you,

Because as you can see, I learned and lived without you…

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The call I feared had come, and they told me about you,

That you are no longer here, life has made peace with you,

And by my 21st birthday, I could not call you….

And thank you for giving me life, because I had lost you.

I don’t know if I did things right, or if I pleased you…

In your last moments of life, I hope you know I loved you.

I still cannot tell anyone, that I have lost you,

My heart has been so sacred, my soul has been shut too.

There are no words to describe, what I have felt for you,

What I have learned, and the emotions I have from you.

The memories will stay forever, I could never forget you,

The good and the bad, the ugly and the sad too.

I learned at a young age, a long life lesson from you,

That no matter what, I could change no one, not even you,

I understand now why you left, because you knew you,

And that you’d destroy us, if we all stayed with you,

And you felt you weren’t worthy…. No second chance for you…

That maybe you’d done the worst…. Betrayed all of us and you.

But you deserved a second chance, which is why I came to you,

And slept in that hospital room, and cried and cried for you.

And I had come to let you know, because I just had to…….

That through all that has happened…. Yes…. I forgive you.

RIP Mom: December 25 1965 – August 3 2010