Elisa A. Escalante/ LCSW/ 06-22-2023
“You should know better, you are a therapist….”
“I want my therapist to not have flaws because I want to trust that they can guide me right.”
“You’re not mentally ill though!”
“How are you going to help someone when you have the same problem?”
Oh… if I had a dime for every time I heard something from the above list. I am a therapist which means that essentially, people expect different from me vs what they would expect from any other human being. This is despite the fact, that I am also, a human being.
I don’t think this should have to be clarified, but it does. Therapists can be mentally ill. Therapists can fall into drug addictions. Therapists can find themselves in toxic relationships. Therapists can give the same clinical advice over and over again, and not take that advice themselves. So yeah, therapists can be hypocritical.
I’m a therapist with depression and sometimes my low motivation gets the best of me: I know how the depressive cycle works on a clinical level and on a personal level. Therefore I know that I must exhaustingly fight through low energy and low motivation to the best of my ability if I want any hopes of being a “normal functioning human”. But, sometimes I feel like I can’t. Sometimes my brain feels severely foggy and my body feels like it can’t move. This deters me from going outside, from being around people, from attempts to find joy. On a positive note, I don’t force feed toxic positivity messages to my clients with depression. I know better!
I’m a therapist with a drug addiction history: My father found it ironic that I was applying to work in a substance abuse clinic at one point, when I in fact, use drugs and have been enrolled in substance abuse treatment. As a matter of fact, I’m on a medication that helps curb my appetite toward addictive tendencies. I am not yet a “success story” as I am not fully sober. But I do engage in very effective harm reduction strategies. I had to. Because at one point I found myself in some pretty serious drug induced psychotic episodes. I’ve learned the hard way. I can also help others find effective and helpful strategies Vs the cliche “just quit or be sober”.
I’m a therapist that dated a narcissist: The aftermath of dating a narcissistic is humiliating. Even more frustrating when people throw out this line: “you’re a therapist though, why couldn’t you see the signs??” Two reasons; there’s plenty of therapists that come from abusive backgrounds, I’m one of them. Sometimes we are attracted to the mental health field because we are seeking answers to our problems and also how we can help family and friends. Then, therapists see the world through a very horrific lens. It can jade us into believing: “our life really isn’t that bad in comparison”… even when it is.
I’m a therapist that has had long term toxic friend ships: It felt quite hypocritical to discuss the risk of toxic friendships with my clients and help them explore red flags, while I myself, was ignoring so many of them. And allowing myself to get bull dozed and hurt. It’s called denial. Denial is our friend when we can’t handle the truth yet. But in the long run, denial is our worst enemy. Sometimes it’s hard to confront reality. That maybe, I’m letting myself get taken advantage of, and I should really take charge and do something about it. Even if it means… gasp! Disappointing someone in order to preserve my sanity. Kind people are at high risk of getting used. It’s nice to believe everyone is a true friend, but in some cases, they have ulterior motives.
I’m a therapist that used to sit on my ass and binge eat all evening My after work ritual (for many years) was to binge watch TV while I binged junk food. And then I would cry and have no idea why. I would feel self hatred. And then I would get up and work again, then workout like a maniac right after work to punish myself. Then I was hungry, yet again, for my binge ritual. I felt little to no control over this. I did not have even the slightest handle on this until I was 27 years old and started to seek out therapy for my eating disorder. Everything before that was me hiding this part of myself to stay in the military. I help primary care patients when they have weight management concerns tied to eating disorders or food addictions and I find helping this clientele in particular very rewarding.
I’m a therapist that has given terrible advice: All therapists will admit that there is no such thing as a perfect one. Sometimes we won’t be someone’s cup of tea. Or sometimes with the intent to help, we could accidentally cause more harm. This includes pushing people too hard to share things they aren’t ready to. It could include pushing people to take action before they are ready. It could include choosing a harsh intervention or an inappropriate one. I try not to look back and cringe too much at the younger version of myself. We don’t know what we don’t know. But I need to remember in order to do better now.
I am a therapist that doesn’t want to therapist anymore: I’ve worked in the mental health field for about 15 years. Only 4.5 of those years have been specific to being a true “clinical therapist”. I’m already burnt out. Because I have PTSD, depression, hypersomnia, an eating disorder and addiction problems, I was worn down faster. Also I only recently stopped with toxic relationships and finally started prioritizing my self care only 2.5 years ago. Currently I’m a consultant, not a therapist. This feels like a better fit, much less emotionally damaging. I don’t have anything to prove. I’m not ashamed to admit I can’t give therapy for 20-30 plus years. Once upon a time it was my “dream”. Dreams change. People learn and grow.
Functionally Mental 