34 Years

Elisa A. Escalante/ LCSW/ 09-13-2023

After turning 34 years old I decided, well, let’s blog about this! it’s an interesting age, I’m definitely not old. But, I don’t feel young either. I suppose I am freshly baked and just came out the oven? I found myself telling my boyfriend recently that I feel like ‘this is the age where people aren’t telling you you are young and have plenty of time anymore’. It’s more, ‘well this is probably who you are and who you will be from now on’ age. But, I know logically, I am over reacting when I say that. I still have a lot to learn, and hopefully, more life ahead of me. Today I want to write out two lists. I want to write about the things that I have learned in my 34 years of life, as well as the things that still ‘puzzle me’, after 34 years of life. I also want to invite people to comment if they can relate or if they have an answer for me! I would love to hear from everyone, especially if you are older. Just for reference in case you do not know me, so far my life experience comes from: Childhood traumas, broken home’s, a military career, a deployment to a combat zone, a mental health career as a therapist and behavioral health consultant, various toxic relationships, one healthy relationship (so far!), over 9 years of martial arts training, publishing two books, home ownership and an on site glamping business.

What I have learned so far (In 34 years of living)

• (Besides SOME parent to child relationships) There is NO such thing as unconditional love. Everyone has conditions with relationships, and, everyone SHOULD have conditions for a healthy relationship.
• Just because someone acts kind and interested in you, does not mean they truly like you. They might have ulterior motives.
• You cannot ‘earn’ someone’s love or respect. They either want to give it to you, or they don’t. If they refuse, despite all your effort, then let them go.
• We are unconciously conditioning people on how to treat us with every single interaction. Hence, if I pretend I have my shit together 24/7 and help people 24/7, they are conditioned to see me as the ‘stress free/ go to person’ anytime they need help.
• Some people are dead set on lying, manipulating, cheating and screwing people over in this life, and no amount of ‘good’ that you do will ever change that.
• Social work/ Therapy is actually not a very rewarding profession in the grand scheme of things. A lot of people get what they need to get from you, then leave. There’s usually no statues, memorials or newpapers shouting our names from the roof tops, because it’s confidential, and no one wants to admit they needed help.
• Even my drive to help other’s and push to be the best version of myself was ego driven. The gratification of praise and reward soothes the ego. But, it’s not valuable if it’s not meaningful.
• Sometimes you will work your absolute best, and bend over backwards for something, and get ZERO reward for it. Sometimes you will work or train like a professional, but never become a professional.
• Most people will never truly appreciate diversity, because there is too much comfort in the familiar for them. I’m not just talking about diversity in nationalities and cultures, but also; diverse opinions.
• Our medical technological advancements are so insanely good, that we are living much longer even despite extremely, ever growing, unhealthy habits. It’s both pitiful and miraculous.
• Success takes more than just ‘wanting it bad enough’. It takes work ethic, wisdom, sacrifice, being calculated, consistency, resources, support systems, and more. But, there is still no such thing as a guarantee recipe to success, ever.
• Humans must undo a tremendous amount of social pressure before they can even begin to explore ‘how to build a peaceful life for themselves’. (Notice I didn’t say happy… I said peaceful)
• The one thing no one can avoid is: Suffering

In 34 years of life, this is still what Puzzles me:

Q- Why does everyone still subscribe to the notion of: Get married, have kids and live ‘happily ever after’ when there has been (quite literally) a tremendous amount of proof that that lifestyle is not a guarantee of 24/7 happiness?

Q- How come some adult people do not comprehend how innapropriate it is to ask people for favors and money over and over and over and over and over again?

Q- Why do people expect things of their partners that they aren’t capable of doing for themselves? For example “You need to make money” (mean while they don’t make any money). Or “You should work, pay bills and clean the house when you get home” (meanwhile they just work and pay some bills and never clean) or “You should eat clean and workout and have a great body” (meanwhile they have an average body) etc etc etc etc

Q- Why do we still base a man’s value off of performance, status or money alone? And why do we still base a woman’s value off of looks, cooking/ cleaning skills, and agreeability alone?

Q- Why do people still barely value mental health education? Our brain is an essential organ for daily living for crying out loud.

Q- How do people use screens for 10+ hours a day and still live in a denial that leads them to believe it has ‘no impact on their deteriorating mental health…’?

Q- Why are there a bunch of basement’s in the upper east coast of the U.S. when it’s prone to floods, and way less basement’s in the central South part of the U.S. where it would be helpful for Tornado’s?

Q- Why did people feel entitled to ‘five star quality’ service during a pandemic that led to mandating an extremely high amount of layoffs; leading to a slim margin of overworked burnt out employees left to do everything by themselves? (With very little bonuses, over time and/ or hazard compensation I might add)

Q- Why do we still believe we can talk people into or out of things? Especially major life decisions such as whether or not to get married. Whether or not to have kid’s. Whether or not to go for a certain career path. How to think. What type of lifestyle works for them and so on.

Q- Why am I so terrified of death all of a sudden? (Well not so much now, but, essentially between the ages of 29-33)

Q- I totally see now that we have a major energy depletion when we hit our thirties, but, do we get some magical energy in our forties? I’m wondering because I feel like ass, but I know a lot of people in their forties that say they feel ‘amazing and rejuvinated’…..???? (Is this largely dependant on my daily habits in the next 6 years or so?)

Again, feel free to comment and give me your life wisdom’s please!