Elisa A. Escalante/ LCSW/ 10-23-2024
There is no way to ever fully explain the magic that goes on in the therapy or consultation room. But, most therapists have their go to phrases, sayings, or feedback that has helped patients make more ground breaking revelations or soothed them during hard times. Not everything I say comes from me. I’ve also learned many concepts from my patients, supervisors, work peers and my own therapists. I’m always working to improve my personal therapy style so that I can be the best for my clientelle. For today’s blog I will be sharing some of the questions and feedback that has helped my patients during heavy sessions.
“If it doesn’t make sense, it’s because it doesn’t make sense. And it does not make sense when people are trying to manipulate you, gaslight you into questioning your reality. Read between the lines. Forget what they are saying for a minute. What are their actions telling you?”
‘Some people have it worse…’ -“This is just a deflection statement that people use when they want to avoid your emotions & their emotions too. Primarily because they don’t have proper feedback or they are emotionally immature”.
“Irrational is not an accurate word when you fear a person or the world that harmed you and/ or almost killed you. It’s actually very rational to have more fear of the world after trauma(s).”
“Do you still believe your abuser? What do you believe about what they told you? Why do you still believe it? And, why do you believe they abused you in the first place? Let’s guess what led to them deciding to become an abuser. Let’s remember that what they said to you was never rooted in any reality; it was ill intent.”
“You’re at a fork in the road and both options are shitty. This is a double edged sword situation because no matter which path you choose, it will be hard.” (this comes up a lot during break up/ divorce situations especially when kid’s are involved)
“You can cry while you work. You can cry while you do homework. You can cry while you do chores. You can cry while you workout. There’s no law that says you have to fake happy all the time.”
“Anyone can force something to ‘work’, it does not mean it’s healthy.” (pertaining to toxic relationships)
“Mental health conditions are chronic in nature. We don’t use language like ‘fix’ and ‘cure’. It’s not like medical where there is a direct injury/ disease/ virus and a concrete way to treat it. Mental health is ‘What is the issue? And what are all of the contributing factors? And how can we MANAGE it?” The trajectory of a mental health journey is never upward and linear.”
“Why should you” or “Why Must you” or “Why do you have to?” (Anytime someone uses a must/ should/ have to statement; a very common cognitive approach)
‘What is the purpose of time off? And, do you feel like you deserve it?” (I’m actually quite shocked about how few people even know how to comprehend or answer this. But then again, this is America…” Answer: “The purpose of time off is: rest, relaxation, restoration, and burnout prevention. And yes, all humans deserve this and require it.”
“Feelings are always facts. They are emotions, they are how you feel. They are what they are. Thoughts are what can be fabricated, and often times, habitual.”
“The common theme between a parent and a child is that the child is often a barrier to the parents self care time, and the parent is often a barrier to the child’s fun. This is why the dynamic is often complex and full of ups and downs.”
“The hardest thing about depression is that to treat it, it requires you to do literally everything you DO NOT want to do because you are depressed.”
“Statistically, it is impossible for you to always be wrong. If someone makes you feel like you are always wrong, they are manipulating you. Statistically, it is also impossible for you to always be right. And for anyone else you know, they are never always right or always wrong.”
“What does an adult and a teen have in common? They both want what they want, when they want it. The only difference is that the adult can do what they want, while the teen is still at the mercy of their parents rules.”
“Men are often taught to suppress their emotions, while women are often taught to hate themselves.”
“Crazy is a very broad term, and the majority of mental illnesses are not actually psychotic in nature.”
“You already have your parents, your teachers, your guidance counselors and your coaches telling you what to do all day. I will never tell you what you have to do, and I will never punish you.” (to the kid and teen patients)
“Babies don’t offer a lot of positive reinforcement. You can literally do everything right, feed and change the baby. Keep the baby alive. And the baby might still flip out and throw a tantrum despite all of your best efforts. But, you are DOING the job right.” (To the post partum Mom’s with parenting shame/ guilt)
“I don’t believe in the terms ‘going backwards’ or ‘starting over’. You can’t go back in time. You are on a new path with more tools and more wisdom. This isn’t a set back, it’s a ‘flair up’ of mental health symptoms. But, you also know how to manage them better.”
“The mistake most people make is that they try to deny or avoid their mental illness. I’m telling you to get to know your mental illness. Learn the ins and outs, make that mental illness your friend. Say ‘hi’ to it when it comes back. Learn exactly what it feels like, how to manage it, how to talk to yourself during an episode. Getting to know yourself is the best thing you will ever do.”
Functionally Mental 