Sex Therapy

Interviewer: Elisa A. Escalante, LCSW, Advanced Cert in Veteran services, Martial artist

Interviewee: Ashleigh Jackson, LMHC, Level II EMDR, certified sex therapist, Yoga instructor

Ashleigh Jackson is a licensed mental health counselor in Florida and has owned her own private practice since 2016. I originally followed Ashleigh Jackson on TikTok. Why? Because I am interested in networking with and learning from other counselors and therapists. Especially other counselors with different niche’s than my own. Ashleigh is a sex educator, in addition to a licensed professional counselor and yoga instructor. This tells me that she has a very holistic approach to her patients. Mind and body. And, she is well versed in a topic that admittedly, makes me a bit nervous: Talking to clients about sex.

Elisa Q: You completed specialized sex-therapy coursework with the Sexual Health Alliance in 2022. Do you remember what drove your interest in getting this training for your counseling practice?

Ashleigh A: I had been specializing in sexual trauma since I was an intern as this was also my field supervisors niche. As I was getting supervised and licensed, I recognized that I needed the education because of the population I was working with early on. By 2020 my life was imploding. I was going through a divorce while burning out due to heavy trauma work. I was holding in a lot of secondary trauma as well, due to working from home, parenting and dealing with a global crisis. I wanted to off set the burnout by incorporating something more positive into my practice while also still being able to help my patients. Sex positive coursework.

Elisa Q: You started your private practice in 2016 in which you focus on the intersection of complex trauma, attachment wounds, and sexuality. Why was this blend of focus areas important to you and how has it helped your clients?

Ashleigh A: It happened very naturally. It happened through many referrals with clients with sexual trauma and subsequent attachment wounding. Sexual trauma tends to cause a lot of attachment ruptures and sexual concerns in their relationships. I tailored my bio to the client referrals and the ongoing education that I received to help them.

Elisa Q: What would you say to a therapist that get’s a bit nervous when the topic of sex is brought up in a therapy session? I have a feeling that my own nervousness has to do with something internal from my own life. Such as my own personal traumas and catholic shame when it comes to sexuality.

Ashleigh A: I would say be gentle with yourself. Breath. Accept that that is totally natural and it’s a reflection of a society where we are not trained to be comfortable with our own sexuality. It’s a good starting space to do more research for your own psycho education, or to explore professional consultation opportunities. Maybe even use some journal prompts to assess your own hesitancy and to process your thoughts and emotions around the topic of sex.

Elisa Q: Here is an example of the most common sexual dilemma that comes up when I am working with military spouses/ Mom’s. They are exhausted and time limited, to a point that sex becomes ‘another chore’. They worry due to their libido’s being so low to the point they are turning down their husbands more often. Subsequently, they have a fear that they will get cheated on. What would you recommend to a patient with this concern?

Ashleigh A: I would say that this concern is the responsibility of both husband and wife. My recommendation if I am solely working with the wives, is for them to engage their husband in this conversation during a moment of low stakes. Not during a high pressure time, such as a holiday. Maybe a simple morning together having coffee and expressing the concern regarding their domestic load, mental load and how it is leading to their burnout and low libido. They can express this as a joint problem where it ‘is them against the problem’ and not ‘a me against you’ problem. If I was working with them as a couple I would dig into their values as a couple. My first homework assignment might include “Sensate” Focus therapy. This is for couples that have goals to increase their intimacy in ways that include connection outside of sex. As other forms of intimacy could lead to a healthier libido.

Elisa Q: What is the most common sexual concern that comes up with your male clients?

Ashleigh A: This would probably be erectile dysfunction. I’ve noticed that they often commonly present with a history of depression and stressful life circumstances that lead up to this issue. These clients having a container every week to come and talk definitely helps. Giving people permission to talk about their concerns even in the sexual realm can be very healing. They tend to want to be data driven and have a concrete prognosis. But the stress of this could lead to them being in their head too often and not in their body. Men are likely to try to outperform themselves, which could actually perpetuate the issue all together. So we must unpack all of the layers leading up to the erectile concern.

Elisa Q: What is the most common sexual concern that comes up with your women clients?

Ashleigh A: It’s usually trouble with orgasming. This is also something we are taught in sex therapy training as the common issue that comes up when women are coming to therapy with the presenting concern in the sex realm. Sometimes it has to do with their unhappiness in the marriage in general, and this has to be unpacked. It could be domestic loads, their equilibrium, their identity in motherhood. And especially if I get to work with them for years, I can help empower them. Either to work toward a happier marriage or a happier version of themselves as individuals.

Elisa Q: In the past three years, I have worked a lot more with post partum Mom’s. Do you know of any recommendations to new Mom’s that are trying to parent while maintaining a sex life?

Ashleigh A: A resource recommendation for starters, is a book called ‘The Baby bomb’, which was written by LMFTs (Licensed marriage family therapists). It has to do with our lives and how it rearranges completely post giving birth. With my own post partum clients, I start by normalizing the experience when they have a newborn ages 0-1 y/o. The body is trying ‘not to get pregnant again just yet’. I take this approach as I have never had a new mom come into my practice and say “they feel sexy.” and ready to go. The body is still healing, the hormones are readjusting, they might be sleep deprived and time limited. I actually don’t recommend a lot of sex immediately post partum, because the body intuitively does not recommend it. The men/ fathers need to be educated on this, so they can see it from their wive’s perspective.

( Baby bomb book link: https://a.co/d/1T6KQ0S )

Elisa Q: What has been the major challenges within your private practice counseling career so far?

Ashleigh A: When I was an intern I had financial struggles, though I was a military spouse which was helpful for some stability. New therapists have a very hard time when they are requiring supervision hours and training before they can get fully licensed and make an income for themselves. As a seasoned clinician, I would love to have an intern for my practice, so that I can reduce my risk of burning out again. But this process has a lot of red tape as interns require so much oversight. Now I am trying to receive a license through another state outside of FL, with a goal of having less red tape and restrictions. However, even this process has more red tape and various obstacles.

Elisa Q: One of your signature topics listed in your podcast speaker sheet includes ‘positive sexuality’. Could you describe what this means for the general audience?

Ashleigh A: Being sex positive means that you look toward the positive elements of sexuality. Sex can be rewarding, pleasurable, and mutually beneficial. There are hallmarks to sex positivity. There is a lot of education around self consent and other people consent. While sex negative would be to view the body as not being autonomous. Such as people that believe that their body belongs to their spouse. Or sex being another chore versus an act of enjoyment. The act of sex brings children into this world and it’s unfortunate that women sometimes see themselves as just a baby vessel alone. Sex positivity focuses on the intimacy and art of sex, versus just the mechanics of sex.

Elisa Q: You were a military spouse and had experience with the stress of being a parent, working to become a therapist, marital stress and divorcing in 2020. What would you say to someone going through something similar?

Ashleigh A: I would say call me! Let’s talk, let’s be friends. I do therapy for a living, if people need help, I am around. Outside of the state of Florida I can do coaching. On a human level, I love making new connections. If you feel like you are dealing with various life stressors alone, remember to find your support system. Find the friends that can be your people during the hard times. The identify shift during a divorce could definitely rattle some of your friendships and family relationships. You will need healthy people during the hard times.

Social Media Handles for Ashleigh: TikTok- Therapist off the clock/ AJ Instagram- the_therapy_diaries