Never Thankful

Elisa A. Escalante/ LCSW/ 11-27-2025

“You walk through life while a rain storm follows. And all the while, people talk to you about the sun, as if you can feel it.”

I want to be more satisfied. With the world, with other people, and with myself. Trauma and depression were my greatest barriers. But, it is bitter sweet. Because it was also my trauma and depressive symptoms that led me to overcompensate. I also developed addictive and compulsive behaviors. I fill voids, I dopamine hunt, I make things happen. I chase the high of success. When I accomplished whatever goal I was yearning for, I got that fleeting feeling of happiness and satisfaction. But, the dark cloud comes back, and I needed to do it all over again. Then through life, I am given reminders. I need to be more positive and grateful. It could be worse. I should count my blessings. There are absolutely times that I can reflect on where I looked around me and I knew I had a pretty good life. But even then, depression plagued me. I hated myself for having a condition that I had no control over. When people tell you that it isn’t a choice, I promise you, it is not.

Through my professional career, I did plenty of trauma work and helped people through seasonal/ year round depression. It is important to highlight the themes that come up with any mental health disorder. Such as the theme of being in a room full of happy people, while some of us are so severely unhappy. That disconnect causes more shame, sadness and isolation. Who can relate to us? We have a rain cloud over our head’s while others are dancing in the sun. We’re breathing the same air, experiencing the same social environments/ interactions, and yet our internal world is so drastically different. I can say my gratitude’s out loud. I can acknowledge what is going well, but I cannot access the emotion of happiness. Therefore, I am acting.

Tips for Seasonal depression or major depression through the Holidays

Gratitude Lists– You won’t be able to practice gratitude everyday. And even if try to, it will feel forced. But on the easier days, it may be helpful to think about what you are thankful for. Whether the emotion of happiness is fleeting or not, there may be a situation in your life that is going well overall. Or maybe you will be able to catch ‘glimmers’ on a random day. A glimmer is a very small thing that could spark something in us. Sun rays, pretty grass or flowers, good weather, fresh air, something silly that makes us laugh. Take mental notes, or write it down on paper or in phone notes.

Budgeting– Financial stress over the holidays is quite prevalent. I remind my clients that a good holiday season does not have to be an expensive one. I personally believe frugal holidays are better because it removes the focus off of the glitz and glam and helps people stay grounded to what really is important. Quality time with loved ones, breathing, sleeping in and recovering from yearlong stress, eating with less shame hopefully! Secret Santa’s, White elephants and/ or setting strict budget caps that are agreed upon by everyone could be helpful and alleviate financial pressure. Or you can make gifts instead of buying them. An experience or an adventure can be a gift.

Movement– Yes we all need to exercise regardless of what time of the. year it is. Personally, I like working out during the Holiday season because I have the luxury of more free time and more energy. On a day off you will absolutely have time to workout. 10, 15, 20 minutes. Walk or gym or at home or at a class. It doesn’t matter. Make sure you do something you enjoy to help with the low motivation barrier. If you suffer from depression I highly encourage intuitive movement; Respecting and listening to your body to determine your workout. For example, today my legs feel weak, but I am sleepy. So I will be using my maxi climber at a very slow pace until I wake up. I may eventually push to a moderate pace depending on whether or not I wake up fully.

Filtering– People both in person or online are going to drive you crazy during the Holiday season. There are so many social rules. Opinions and judgements are at an all time high. Being around family could expose you to unwanted questions and unsolicited advice. You get to determine how much or how little you filter this out. You also get to determine your own boundaries and when you want to walk away. Try not to torture yourself by watching those rich influencers that are showing off the amazing/ clean part of their home and all of their presents. You can tune out your family members advice, or you can divert the conversation, or you can use assertive communication and let them know you have no interest in discussing a specific topic.

Vulnerable communication– This is one of the hardest things to do. People are absolutely terrified of emotional expression. The ability to tell someone how you feel and why, is scary. You could be judged, or invalidated. Your emotions could get swept under the rug. But vulnerable communication will either break the relationship further and teach you more about the boundaries you need… or it will strengthen a relationship in a beautiful way. You can tell people that you do not feel like celebrating. You can admit that all you want to do for your holiday off is sleep in until noon. If you don’t want to cook, don’t. If you don’t want to play pretend happy, don’t. Let people know where you are at. Let them know your needs. If you must go to an event, have a safety plan. Know the exits. Know where your time out room is going to be when you feel over stimulated or when your social battery is drained.

New Rituals– I love when people create their own preferred rituals instead of fitting in with ‘a norm’ that they do not like. For example, many years ago me and my father had an epic thanksgiving where we went to Las Vegas and we gambled and ate at buffets. Fast forward to the present, we both live alone; unmarried. So we keep up with this tradition. Gamble on a budget, food, no cooking! No hassle, no extra dishes. It’s our style. Also it means I get to sleep in versus wake up early to prep for a full day in the kitchen. I love when my patients tell me about their unique rituals. If on a particular holiday season they feel lost, I encourage them to make the holiday whatever they want to make it. Sometimes they sleep, sometimes they leave town. Sometimes they hang with friends instead of family. Sometimes they play games or create new social traditions. Be creative. Be yourself. Maybe you will create a memory that you can be thankful for.