Spectrums

Elisa A. Escalante/ LCSW/ 06-30-2025

Do you recall any time in your life when the people around you gave you warnings of what to do or what not to do? Don’t do that too much, it could be a crutch. Don’t isolate too much, but also you don’t need to be around people all the time. You should really learn to be alone, sometimes. Don’t eat too much. Eat more. Be nice, but not too nice. Process your emotions. But do not obsess over emotions. Get out of your head sometimes. But don’t ignore things, communicate when things come up. Be careful not to tell everyone everything, some people will use it against you.

Humans are confused. I am too. Let’s just admit this first. I’ve worked in the mental health field for the past 17 years. People have both similarities and differences. People exist on many different spectrums. There are no two people that are 100% exactly alike. And, there are a lot less rules than we think. About how to act, exist, and love in this crazy world. However, I do like to discuss mental and holistic balance. No one will ever be perfect. But we can learn to be more balanced in our behaviors, mental loads and emotional processing. Let’s explore these spectrums. The balance between extremes.

Emotional Avoidance vs Rumination- On one end of the spectrum we have emotional avoidance and denial. This sounds like “I’m fine”, “nothing is wrong with me”, “everything is good”. People in denial about their issues, or maybe they just deny it outwardly to others. On the other end of the spectrum is rumination, where the person obsesses over their problems and cannot seem to let anything go. They replay it, talk about it, dream about it, it robs them of all joy. The health middle ground of this spectrum is known as ’emotional processing’. This is the ability to admit we have an emotion, process what it means’, and behave accordingly. Then we move on with our day and ground ourselves back to the moment.

Emotional Brain vs logical brain- The emotional brain is exactly what it sounds like. Our brain and body are capable of emotions. Our brain is also capable of logical thinking. These are located in different areas of the brain. Because they both exist, they are both important. Some people believe they should run away from the emotional brain and try to ‘only tap into logic’. These types of people are often explained as ‘not emotionally available’ and they tend to hurt those that are emotional. People that are too far into their emotional brains tend to be more sensitive and reactive. The healthy balance is the ability to pay attention to both. Every part of our brain is important. To suppress either logic or emotion is to suppress a natural part of what makes us human.

Self denial vs self indulgence- Self denial involves depriving ourselves of something because we view it as ‘bad’. Such as a certain type of food, a substance or a behavior that could cost us money or safety. Self indulgence is to binge on a drug or food in an excess amount that will cause us physical/ mental side effects. The healthy balance is a moderation of what we want. Just enough to either medicate or satisfy a desire without taking it too far. Because denying leads to deprivation, then obsession, then tension & cravings. And then, to indulge too much and too often is to be gluttonous or to risk addiction.

Doing mind vs Nothing to do mind- The doing mind is a mind that cannot rest or relax. It’s a mind that is constantly telling you what to do. Making to do lists, obligatory, obsessive. The ‘nothing to do mind’ has no motivation and wants to procrastinate. Both extremes lead to shame. If you always feel like there is something you must be doing, you will feel ashamed if you try to relax. If you procrastinate, you will be ashamed of your behaviors and your surroundings; as the surroundings remind you of your failure to get up and get it done. The middle ground is a balance of productivity and relaxation. Humans need both. We need movement. We need stimulation. We need to accomplish things. We also need idle time. We need to clear our heads. We need to rest our bodies.

The Fuck it’s vs Self punishment- The “Fuck it’s” is when the brain decides to give up on progress and go back to unhealthy habits because it just feels easier. Fuck it! I’ll never lose weight so I will just keep eating what I want. Fuck it! sobriety is so boring and miserable I might as well keep using (drug(s) of choice. Then Self punishment, on the opposite end, is when our relapse causes us to spiral into a mode of self hatred / punishment in order to ‘correct’ the harm that was done. “I ate a whole pizza, now I must run 7 miles and starve myself tomorrow!” Yes the balance is moderation. But if we relapse, the cognitive piece is to remind ourselves we are still on a health journey. We can be healthy again, even literally ten seconds after doing something unhealthy. We didn’t destroy our entire day, our entire week, our entire body, or our entire progress just because we had a slip up.

Desire for change vs Radical acceptance of the Moment- The desire for change is to want something other than what you have right now. While radical acceptance of the moment is to be completely okay and satisfied with your life, yourself, and those around you. If we always want change, we never appreciate or live in the moment. If we always accept things as they are, we will not work toward self improvement. The balance of this reminds me of one of my favorite quotes by Thomas Monson: Learn from the past, prepare for the future, live in the present. Obviously we won’t be able to do all of these things at the same time. Maybe we can do a little bit of each one, each day, at some point.