CPTSD & Internalized Beliefs

Elisa A. Escalante/ LCSW/ 01-23-2026

Complex trauma in childhood tends to lead to internalized concrete beliefs that can rule our emotions, thought patterns and even our behaviors. Childhood traumas can include physical, mental, verbal, financial, sexual abuse, abandonment, neglect and or bullying. Below is an example of some of these concrete beliefs and how they manifest in the midst of chronic abuse.

I’m not wanted– This belief is common amongst kid’s that are abandoned, neglected or treated badly by their caregivers. Ongoing abandonment and terrible treatment can lead to the belief that we arent wanted by the very people that had us. As we get older, this could show up in our intimate relationships. We may have a hard time believing anyone wants to be with us even when we have concrete proof that they do want us.

I’m a burden– This belief happens when we are given life but then treated like we are an inconviencence or annoying anytime we have needs. We may then learn to shrink ourselves or learn to never communicate our needs. To have needs at all is now perceived as burdensome. This causes someone to go about life with the inability to self advocate. Their friends and partners will not have an understanding of their needs/ love language.

It’s my fault– Many kid’s that suffer from verbal/ mental abuse trauma will end up walking on eggshells in their household. When the perpetrator of abuse seems angry, the fear is that they ‘did something wrong’ again. It’s hard for a kid to comprehend that their parent may have anger issues due to multigenerational trauma, especially when that parent cannot emotionally regulate, and they project the anger out onto the child.

I deserve nothing– For kid’s that were neglected medically and/ or emotionally, they get the sense that they do not deserve anything. No tuning into their emotions, no giving them adequate amounts of food or clothes or shelter. Maybe even not enforcing their education or hobbies that could make them happy. They will be at a higher risk of growing into adults that have minimal coping skills and deep depresson.

I deserve pain– For kid’s that are physically and or sexually abused, they may believe they somehow deserved for that physical pain to be inflicted on them. They may be more prone to getting into abusive relationships as this was normalized to them growing up. They are also more likely to engage in self destructive coping or NSSDV- non suicidal self directed violence. As they learn that heavy emotions equates to inflicting abuse/ pain.

I’m unlovable– The neglected, abandoned and verbally abused children receive trauma instead of healthy love. How can they believe they are lovable when no one is loving them in a pleasant way? They may sabotage intimate relationships in adulthood due to the fear that the love they receive will run out. Or, perhaps they do not trust it all together because it is so foreign and unfamiliar; it cannot ‘be real’.

Everyone will leave me– Chronic abandonment from caregivers, friends and intimate partners over time will lead to this belief. How can anyone believe that people will stay with them if no one has proven it to them yet? This can lead to severe doubts anytime they enter a new relationship; a doubt that the ‘happily ever after’ is in the cards for them.

I’m not enough– Kid’s that are abandoned, neglected, or abused may believe that they ‘were not enough’ to be treated fairly. This one is quite broad. Because the question is, enough for what and enough for who? For a child, being accepted and praised by their parents is EVERYTHING. Without it, they may not have a healthy enough self worth to navigate their future relationships.

I don’t belong– A child on eggshells in their own home will get the sense that they do not belong there. Or maybe they do not belong with their parents or belong in the world. They may go about life confused about why they were born in the first place. Or they may feel like they need to search for a different/ new home far away from their caregivers, only to feel like they are in unfamiliar territory everywhere they go.

I’m invisible– When parents are overwhelmed with multiple kid’s, they may stop paying attention to the low maintenance child and focus on disciplining the hyperactive/ oppositional kid’s. Or, an only child that is neglected may feel this way. These kid’s learn not to speak up, because they start to believe that their role is to remain invisible for the convenience of the overwhelmed parents.

I don’t matter– What if everytime a child expresses their needs or vents about their frustrations, they are dismissed or judged? It truly won’t feel like their needs or wants are relevant. Their deep desires get swept under the rug. Their happiness is not taken into consideration. If it does not matter, they may not speak up about it again. They may stop asking for attention or love because rejection is… ‘inevitable’.

I’m the problem– If a child is blamed for everything, they develop the inner belief that they are always in the wrong. They are the problem and deserve the punishment or hatred. They may become more avoidant, so that they do not become a problem in everyone else’s life too. This impacts their ability to open up or connect to others as they get older. They may also get defensive as a layer of protection anytime they deal with confrontation.

I need revenge– For children that are severely abused and blatantly treated badly, their rage may take over. They develop oppositional defiance, or an inner rebel that must hurt those that hurt them. This is also known as reactive abuse. These are not inherently bad kid’s, they are kid’s that are stuck in a fight or flight mode loop, and their primal brain has chosen to fight back for self preservation.

I must remain silent- For the children whose words are used against them, dismissed, or judged, they learn to go mute. Silence ensures that they will get in less trouble, be less ridiculed. Silence also means peace, versus if they were to continue to talk back. Unfortunately, as they get older they will lack assertive communication skills. They are more likely to shutdown versus speak up.