Euphoria

Elisa A. Escalante/ LCSW/ 02-16-2025

“Let’s just admit that we don’t want our ‘highs’ to end. We don’t want to sink into the lows. We want to chase a feeling and make it permanent. We want to hold onto a moment while life moves on.”- EaE

Roughly 6 years ago, I had traveled to California with my ex-fiancé (from NYC). It was the vacation of his lifetime; he admitted this shortly after our breakup. Naturally, we went through my old hometown of Yucca Valley. I remember how excited my father was to see me. So was my best friend since junior high as well as some other friends/ acquaintances. I remember how everything felt the same, and we carried on with the same tradition that my beloved small desert town loves: Karaoke, Mexican food, and alcohol.

We had so much fun together with a night of food, conversation, singing, dancing and …. well, drugs. My family and friends were so hyped that I was there. They begged me not to head to San Diego just yet… but to stay with them for another night. I did not really want to, as I had hoped to have an extra day in San Diego, my favorite city. But they were begging, so I reluctantly agreed. The very next night we did the same thing. Karaoke, margaritas and Mexican food. But something had changed. The people were not as lively, the songs didn’t seem as fun or exciting, the food was blander. Everyone was tired and couldn’t even force their smiles. The dancing was nonexistent. People left the restaurant much earlier than they had the night before.

A theme that is common amongst most humans; when we find joy in something, we cannot help but want to hold onto it or repeat it. Over and over and over again. But it will lose its luster. We cannot hang onto a special moment, and the more we try, the more we suffer. For example, if you try to cling onto a special person; you could chase them away. You try to repeat a ‘night to remember’, that night won’t be the same. How can you repeat something that felt like ‘magic’??? The moon, the stars and the planets aligned to give you something special, and there you are trying to recreate something that is not fully in your control.

Because of my own abandonment wounds, I have struggled with ‘the art of letting go’. I am no stranger to being attachment anxious, clingy, and sometimes pushy. As I have gotten older and wiser, I have modified these behaviors. However, I could still feel the tension in my body and the spirals in my mind when I feel like something good is about to slip out of my grasp. But now, I know that I have to let it go and sit with the feeling of letdown and loss. Maybe we aren’t taught that ‘it is okay to miss something or someone?’ That you can miss something without trying to force more to happen?

Great moments are meant to be enjoyed and then appreciated after the fact. The gift of memory lets us hold onto it, even after it’s long gone. What happens to people that chase euphoria and have difficulty sitting in boredom? Compulsive behaviors, addictive behaviors, sabotage, codependency, perpetual disappointment, strained relationships and difficulty with self-regulation. Because instead of living a well-balanced life, you become victim to the part of you that wants to chase something that makes you feel high, while escaping your own internal struggles with boredom, loneliness, sadness and fear.

I believe I am starting to see this as a lack of confidence in myself to handle those difficult feelings to begin with. How many emotions do people run from before they run full circle? Right back into those difficult emotions. They will smack us in the face eventually. The party has to end sometime. We have to sit with ourselves in the discomfort. Euphoria will end, and post euphoria depression may hit us like a ton of bricks. A test of someone’s fortitude has everything to do with how they handle the harder times. When we are lonely, when we must sit in silence, when we are ill, when we are in a deep depression or when life keeps throwing us challenge after challenge and not letting up.

I like to encourage everyone to look at every emotion, circumstance, and encounter as an opportunity and/ or a teaching moment. Everything may have some purpose or value. Yes, even the harder emotions and circumstances. For example, people hate boredom. But boredom also means peace; nothing crazy is happening if you are bored. People don’t like arguing. But an argument also gives us a lesson, if we are willing to pay attention to it. People think that being lonely is the worst thing in the world. But when you are alone, you can do whatever the heck you want, no one is stopping you. Anxiety will alert you to a threat, push you to take precautions or push you to problem solve your life/ future. Sadness will prompt us to endorphin hunt or seek adventure. We may also learn overtime that we have it in us to do it on our own; without other people around us 24/7.

If you want euphoria, and you do something wild and harmful to get it, forgive yourself. It is human. Just remember you cannot stay there. See it as a wonderful memory while remembering that your natural state is healthiest when it is balanced. Not chasing a high, or a memory, or a person. Don’t become a slave to your mind in a high-speed chase toward something it cannot hold onto. That pattern is destructive and harmful. Stay safe and ride the waves, hopefully with elegance, wisdom and grace.